fear of "him"

This Sunday morning I am going to preach about fear.

Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid; for God has come only to test you and to put the fear of him upon you so that you do not sin." Exodus 20:20

[The chief priests and the pharisees] wanted to arrest [Jesus], but they feared the crowds, because they regarded him as a prophet. Matthew 22:45

Two sentences about fear. The people fear God. The leaders fear the crowd.

My first postmodern impulse tells me that the leaders shouldn't have feared the crowd, they should have feared God instead! If we let God be God, and not some logical, containable, neat and tidy, domestic, sanitary, concept we can understand and explain, then perhaps there is something to fear in God. Maybe it is time to fear God raging on the mountain again!

Or maybe not.

Despite the excitement of letting God speak in the voice that God would choose (rather than the one that I approve), maybe there is enough fear in the world already. And maybe the church has been manipulatively complicit in letting fear have the last word for long enough.
I myself have certainly not offered comfort or strength to all of the people who fear "him."

And so when I preach about fear this Sunday, I have no interest in neutering God's pronoun in Exodus 20:20. I think that is was very much "him" whom the people feared: "him". Not God, but the masculine other who was trying to intimidate and control them. And it makes me think of all the women who fear "him"... whoever he is.
A boyfriend.
A boss.
A husband.
An intimate.
A pastor.
The church has taught women to fear "him" whenever we refuse to acknowledge domestic violence, sexual assault and the other crimes (and obsessions!) of our sexist society. And I have been a part of isolating in fear women who might yet be able to let their faith form a crowd.

(I mistyped the Exodus passage a moment ago and saw that I put on my screen "God has come only to TEXT you and put the fear of him upon..." No. It is not only a text. Whether he are talking about abusers texting victims or preachers exegeting a scripture text, it is not "only a text". Lives are at stake. This sort of fear is not acceptable.)

So maybe I should admire the way that the crowds were feared by their leaders. They did not need to tremble by themselves at the foot of the mountain. They did not hide behind a mediator to protect them. They knew they had access to God, in a direct personal relationship.
Faith is a force in itself and through it perhaps we can yet claim power beyond our individual lives, but still in union with the life we know.

The crowds' regard for Christ is powerful. It is a voice that God would choose.

Our faith in the prophetic office can free us from the fear of "him".

Call - Report 5 from Ohio

There are 606 delegates to General Conference from the United States of America.
We just called all of them.

In what may be the biggest phone bank for justice for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in history, the 670 attendees of Sing A New Song have just dialed their phones and had conversations with hundreds of United Methodists letting them know that we care about our church and are praying for them.

I cannot begin to tell you how exciting it was. 670 people in a large banquet room dialing in unison and then pressing "send" at the exact same moment.
The room went silent for a few seconds.
And then the first person shot their thumb into the air! Someone answered. A small bell rang to signify that we made contact. Then another, another, and another. Gentle bells were ringing non-stop. The room was alive with humming voices.

"I'm just calling because I'm a Methodist too and I want you to know I care deeply about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in our church."

"Thank you for being a delegate! I want to let you know that I am praying for you and look forward to our work together in Tampa."

"Good afternoon Rev. I've been a Methodist my whole life and I learned in Sunday School that God loves us all."

"Hello District Superintendent, sorry to have missed you but wanted to be sure to leave you a message..."

People were running to hand in their reporting forms.
"I made two calls! Can I make any more?"
"I didn't get my delegate, can I call them back later?"
"Is it all right if I write a letter to them too?"
"My delegate said they're supportive! They're from Texas."

Connections.
Relationships.
Conversations.
Prayer.
The church is on the move.
The Spirit is moving.
I wish you could have seen the people making these calls.

Pastors. Young adults. Senior citizens. Church staff. People in this movement for a long time. People who are at an event like this for the first time.

From the second chapter of Acts...
When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.

The Spirit gives us the ability today.

About Bible Study-Report 4 from Ohio

My life was really changed four years ago in Nashville, TN when Dr. Amy-Jill Levine lead Bible study at Reconciling Ministries Network's Convocation. Those lectures made me aware of anti-Semitic patterns and prejudice that have dominated and determined how I relate to Jesus. I am still learning.
And now, after just two one hour sessions, my life is being changed again. This time I blame Dr. Althea Spencer-Miller.

So what am I learning?
I am learning that the Bible is not a book that approves or disapproves of us. The Bible is God's story told in an ancient culture. But we read it from our own location, in our own lives. We know who we are. We know God.
We do not need to look to ancient people for approval.
We do not need to look to contemporary people for approval.
The fun part is the reading and the learning and the journeying with God.

Reading, studying and teaching the Bible is one of the greatest joys in my life. Most of my learning happens through reading books and participating in weekly Bible Study at St. Nicholas. But in addition, there are these special experiences that break in. Amy-Jill Levine... Althea Spencer-Miller... a conversation here... a youtube clip there.
There is no limit to opportunities for learning and growing.

From Harm to Home - Report 3 from Ohio

I am part of a movement.
Some of the people involved in this movement are gathered in Huron, Ohio this weekend.
Others are in other places... on the move.
Today I learned about moving from harm to home.
As we all know, home is not perfect, but it is still home.

Rev. Amy DeLong reminded us that there is no shame in the fact that our home is not perfect. The shame belongs to those who seek to do us harm. We do not need to honor their intentions by complying with their plot.

Dr. Althea Spencer-Miller pointed us to a new space beyond the frame built by forces that do not flow from God. If we want out of that world, then we don't have to hang around debating foolish questions. If we want to get out of that world, then we can start with knowing who we are. Just begin by remembering who you are. Do that and dance to Jimmy Cliff.

Bishop Yvette Flunder encouraged us to build our homes as places that reflect the God who made us and the Spirit that moves us. She spoke about San Francisco building construction that is made "to move" with the living, moving earth. Our institutions, our lives and our homes need to have that same flexibility.

Bishop Joe Sprague showed us that our spiritual habits need to be authentic and real no matter what. If we can't believe ourselves than no one else will. And when we trust God, nothing else matters.

I am part of a movement.
Some of the people in this movement have the gifts of leadership and witness. Amy, Althea, Yvette and Joe are good in front of a mic, on a stage and in front of the crowd.
But other members in this movement, with other gifts, know the message just as well.
They know it because God's grace has lead them home already. They live in a place of integrity meant to honor God - not do harm.
Many of those people are in Huron, Ohio this weekend.
But they are also all over the world. If you are not at Sing A New Song then you get to experience some of what changed my life today via youtube clips some time in the near future. You'll love it.

We are all moving from a place of harm to a place called home. No matter where we are today, or tomorrow, there will be more pain and mistakes to come.
But home is the place where we live. Because we are already there, we don't need to react or defend or respond to everything that gets thrown at us.
We can be ourselves.
This movement is our home.

The Experience of the Day/The Experience of our Life - Report 2 from Ohio

Recently a member of my church was reading about John Wesley's famous 'conversion experience'. She was surprised to find herself reading about this, of all things. She told me that when she read how Wesley felt his "heart strangely warmed", she thought to herself... That's it? This changed the world?

So many parts of this made me smile. First, I love that God put this book in front of her. Secondly, I love that even though she has never studied John Wesley, she is well aware that his personal religious experiences "changed the world". And finally, I love that she was truly unimpressed and underwhelmed by Wesley's description. After all, a "strange warmth" in the heart is hardly a cosmically significant event.
But in fact, it is just these very simple experiences that actually do change the world.

Troy Plummer reported today how over $400,000 has been secured in grants to support our General Conference witness. Now why, you may ask, why would secular organizations commit that kind of money to a group in the United Methodist Church? The reason is as simple as it is true: they commit these resources because these organizations know that Reconciling is an important organization to support if you want to change the world.

It is a bold statement and it is a true statement. Reconciling Ministries Network is an important organization to support if you want to change the world.

Today was the first day of our time together here at Sing A New Song. But looking back over the last few hours, I know that we did not just experience a day of events - we are having the experiences of a lifetime. Our work together really is that significant.

With all of this in mind, here is my highlight of the day.
After worship tonight I went to a young adult gathering. (I was told I could come as long as I was "young at heart." I responded that I was just going for the coffee...) But when I got there I saw a young person whom I've know for a few years. He said to me right away, "I've decided to stay a United Methodist."

"What?", I asked, not sure I heard him correctly.

"After today I've decided to stay a United Methodist for sure. I've been asking for awhile whether or not this is the right thing for me to do and after that worship service, now I'm sure that I should be in the United Methodist Church."

"Wow, that's amazing.", I said. "How do you know?"

"Well, a couple things" he said. "But mostly it was when that welcome letter from the Bishop was read. [Bishop Ough of Ohio wrote a powerful word of welcome that was read to us because he couldn't be here in person.] Especially the part that said, 'God isn't through with the United Methodist Church.' I really heard God speak through what the Bishop wrote. Now, I know that this is where I'm supposed to be."

And my mind went back to my parishioner's thoughts about Wesley... That's it? This changes the world?

Yes, it does.

Today was just another day in the church. We had worship. Words of encouragement were shared. People were challenged in new ways.
But today isn't just full of the experiences of one day. Today is full of the experiences of a lifetime. Today we experience God. The things that happen to us today will change our whole life. When we experience God and live out the faith that we have, the world is changed.

Today was just the first day of Sing A New Song. But the world is already changing, one experience at a time.

Lemons and Honey - Report 1 from Ohio

This morning I ate lemons and honey. There were wedges in a bowl and a shallow pool on a saucer. I took one slice of the citrus and passed the rest along. Then I dipped one finger in the honey and sent the rest around the table.

This is not my typical breakfast. (I've actually been eating generic bran flakes lately.) But this morning I ate lemons and honey as part of the opening liturgy for a meeting of Reconciling Clergy. I'm in Ohio for the next few days at a national gathering of Reconciling Ministries Network and the Methodist Federation for Social Action.

The liturgy reminded us of the "bitter" and the "sweet". Clergy committed to the full inclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people know that there is a whole lot that is hard to swallow. There is the sadness of hearing painful stories. There is the frustration of having colleagues whisper in our ear that they "support us", and then never seeing those intentions transformed into action. There is the horror of hypocrisy all around us. There is the shock of recognizing the weaknesses inside of ourselves. We know the bitter.

But there is a second course on the table too! In our ministry, in our spirituality, in our bodies and in our whole lives, we know the "sweet". We know liberation. We know freedom. We know the joy of rejecting discrimination. We know the beauty of seeing God's goodness reflected in the diversity of our congregations. We know the pleasure of joining together in authentic worship and courageous planning. We know the wonderful taste of hope. We live to remember how lovely it is when we enjoy these gifts. We know the sweet.

This morning we ate lemons and honey. But we taste the bitter and the sweet everyday.

A time to mourn

At Monday night Bible Study, we are continuing to make our way through Ecclesiastes. Here is part of what we read tonight:


Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong,
nor bread to the wise,
nor riches to the intelligent,
nor favor to the skillful;
but time and chance happen to them all.
For no one can anticipate the time of disaster.
Like fish taken in a cruel net,
and like birds caught in a snare,
so mortals are snared at a time of calamity,
when it suddenly falls upon them.
Ecclesiastes 9:11-12



There is no explaining tragedies. All we can say, is that only God knows. And by that, we mean that we do not.
But when we are shocked and sore from something very sudden and very sensitive, it isn't time to read these words. There is a time for everything and this is wisdom for another time.

When we are mourning and confused and sad, it is just time to cry.
Or it may be time for fiercer emotions.
Or maybe something more numb.

When tragedy is far away, we enjoy the life we have, because this is all we have.
The rest belongs to God. And by that, we mean it is beyond us.