Saint Nicholas Is In Hull

fear of "him"

2011-09-29T18:50:00.003-04:00

This Sunday morning I am going to preach about fear.

Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid; for God has come only to test you and to put the fear of him upon you so that you do not sin." Exodus 20:20

[The chief priests and the pharisees] wanted to arrest [Jesus], but they feared the crowds, because they regarded him as a prophet. Matthew 22:45

Two sentences about fear. The people fear God. The leaders fear the crowd.

My first postmodern impulse tells me that the leaders shouldn't have feared the crowd, they should have feared God instead! If we let God be God, and not some logical, containable, neat and tidy, domestic, sanitary, concept we can understand and explain, then perhaps there is something to fear in God. Maybe it is time to fear God raging on the mountain again!

Or maybe not.

Despite the excitement of letting God speak in the voice that God would choose (rather than the one that I approve), maybe there is enough fear in the world already. And maybe the church has been manipulatively complicit in letting fear have the last word for long enough.
I myself have certainly not offered comfort or strength to all of the people who fear "him."

And so when I preach about fear this Sunday, I have no interest in neutering God's pronoun in Exodus 20:20. I think that is was very much "him" whom the people feared: "him". Not God, but the masculine other who was trying to intimidate and control them. And it makes me think of all the women who fear "him"... whoever he is.
A boyfriend.
A boss.
A husband.
An intimate.
A pastor.
The church has taught women to fear "him" whenever we refuse to acknowledge domestic violence, sexual assault and the other crimes (and obsessions!) of our sexist society. And I have been a part of isolating in fear women who might yet be able to let their faith form a crowd.

(I mistyped the Exodus passage a moment ago and saw that I put on my screen "God has come only to TEXT you and put the fear of him upon..." No. It is not only a text. Whether he are talking about abusers texting victims or preachers exegeting a scripture text, it is not "only a text". Lives are at stake. This sort of fear is not acceptable.)

So maybe I should admire the way that the crowds were feared by their leaders. They did not need to tremble by themselves at the foot of the mountain. They did not hide behind a mediator to protect them. They knew they had access to God, in a direct personal relationship.
Faith is a force in itself and through it perhaps we can yet claim power beyond our individual lives, but still in union with the life we know.

The crowds' regard for Christ is powerful. It is a voice that God would choose.

Our faith in the prophetic office can free us from the fear of "him".

Call - Report 5 from Ohio

2011-08-27T15:00:00.004-04:00

There are 606 delegates to General Conference from the United States of America.
We just called all of them.

In what may be the biggest phone bank for justice for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in history, the 670 attendees of Sing A New Song have just dialed their phones and had conversations with hundreds of United Methodists letting them know that we care about our church and are praying for them.

I cannot begin to tell you how exciting it was. 670 people in a large banquet room dialing in unison and then pressing "send" at the exact same moment.
The room went silent for a few seconds.
And then the first person shot their thumb into the air! Someone answered. A small bell rang to signify that we made contact. Then another, another, and another. Gentle bells were ringing non-stop. The room was alive with humming voices.

"I'm just calling because I'm a Methodist too and I want you to know I care deeply about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in our church."

"Thank you for being a delegate! I want to let you know that I am praying for you and look forward to our work together in Tampa."

"Good afternoon Rev. I've been a Methodist my whole life and I learned in Sunday School that God loves us all."

"Hello District Superintendent, sorry to have missed you but wanted to be sure to leave you a message..."

People were running to hand in their reporting forms.
"I made two calls! Can I make any more?"
"I didn't get my delegate, can I call them back later?"
"Is it all right if I write a letter to them too?"
"My delegate said they're supportive! They're from Texas."

Connections.
Relationships.
Conversations.
Prayer.
The church is on the move.
The Spirit is moving.
I wish you could have seen the people making these calls.

Pastors. Young adults. Senior citizens. Church staff. People in this movement for a long time. People who are at an event like this for the first time.

From the second chapter of Acts...
When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.

The Spirit gives us the ability today.

About Bible Study-Report 4 from Ohio

2011-08-27T11:42:00.002-04:00

My life was really changed four years ago in Nashville, TN when Dr. Amy-Jill Levine lead Bible study at Reconciling Ministries Network's Convocation. Those lectures made me aware of anti-Semitic patterns and prejudice that have dominated and determined how I relate to Jesus. I am still learning.
And now, after just two one hour sessions, my life is being changed again. This time I blame Dr. Althea Spencer-Miller.

So what am I learning?
I am learning that the Bible is not a book that approves or disapproves of us. The Bible is God's story told in an ancient culture. But we read it from our own location, in our own lives. We know who we are. We know God.
We do not need to look to ancient people for approval.
We do not need to look to contemporary people for approval.
The fun part is the reading and the learning and the journeying with God.

Reading, studying and teaching the Bible is one of the greatest joys in my life. Most of my learning happens through reading books and participating in weekly Bible Study at St. Nicholas. But in addition, there are these special experiences that break in. Amy-Jill Levine... Althea Spencer-Miller... a conversation here... a youtube clip there.
There is no limit to opportunities for learning and growing.

From Harm to Home - Report 3 from Ohio

2011-08-26T23:16:00.003-04:00

I am part of a movement.
Some of the people involved in this movement are gathered in Huron, Ohio this weekend.
Others are in other places... on the move.
Today I learned about moving from harm to home.
As we all know, home is not perfect, but it is still home.

Rev. Amy DeLong reminded us that there is no shame in the fact that our home is not perfect. The shame belongs to those who seek to do us harm. We do not need to honor their intentions by complying with their plot.

Dr. Althea Spencer-Miller pointed us to a new space beyond the frame built by forces that do not flow from God. If we want out of that world, then we don't have to hang around debating foolish questions. If we want to get out of that world, then we can start with knowing who we are. Just begin by remembering who you are. Do that and dance to Jimmy Cliff.

Bishop Yvette Flunder encouraged us to build our homes as places that reflect the God who made us and the Spirit that moves us. She spoke about San Francisco building construction that is made "to move" with the living, moving earth. Our institutions, our lives and our homes need to have that same flexibility.

Bishop Joe Sprague showed us that our spiritual habits need to be authentic and real no matter what. If we can't believe ourselves than no one else will. And when we trust God, nothing else matters.

I am part of a movement.
Some of the people in this movement have the gifts of leadership and witness. Amy, Althea, Yvette and Joe are good in front of a mic, on a stage and in front of the crowd.
But other members in this movement, with other gifts, know the message just as well.
They know it because God's grace has lead them home already. They live in a place of integrity meant to honor God - not do harm.
Many of those people are in Huron, Ohio this weekend.
But they are also all over the world. If you are not at Sing A New Song then you get to experience some of what changed my life today via youtube clips some time in the near future. You'll love it.

We are all moving from a place of harm to a place called home. No matter where we are today, or tomorrow, there will be more pain and mistakes to come.
But home is the place where we live. Because we are already there, we don't need to react or defend or respond to everything that gets thrown at us.
We can be ourselves.
This movement is our home.

The Experience of the Day/The Experience of our Life - Report 2 from Ohio

2011-08-25T23:29:00.003-04:00

Recently a member of my church was reading about John Wesley's famous 'conversion experience'. She was surprised to find herself reading about this, of all things. She told me that when she read how Wesley felt his "heart strangely warmed", she thought to herself... That's it? This changed the world?

So many parts of this made me smile. First, I love that God put this book in front of her. Secondly, I love that even though she has never studied John Wesley, she is well aware that his personal religious experiences "changed the world". And finally, I love that she was truly unimpressed and underwhelmed by Wesley's description. After all, a "strange warmth" in the heart is hardly a cosmically significant event.
But in fact, it is just these very simple experiences that actually do change the world.

Troy Plummer reported today how over $400,000 has been secured in grants to support our General Conference witness. Now why, you may ask, why would secular organizations commit that kind of money to a group in the United Methodist Church? The reason is as simple as it is true: they commit these resources because these organizations know that Reconciling is an important organization to support if you want to change the world.

It is a bold statement and it is a true statement. Reconciling Ministries Network is an important organization to support if you want to change the world.

Today was the first day of our time together here at Sing A New Song. But looking back over the last few hours, I know that we did not just experience a day of events - we are having the experiences of a lifetime. Our work together really is that significant.

With all of this in mind, here is my highlight of the day.
After worship tonight I went to a young adult gathering. (I was told I could come as long as I was "young at heart." I responded that I was just going for the coffee...) But when I got there I saw a young person whom I've know for a few years. He said to me right away, "I've decided to stay a United Methodist."

"What?", I asked, not sure I heard him correctly.

"After today I've decided to stay a United Methodist for sure. I've been asking for awhile whether or not this is the right thing for me to do and after that worship service, now I'm sure that I should be in the United Methodist Church."

"Wow, that's amazing.", I said. "How do you know?"

"Well, a couple things" he said. "But mostly it was when that welcome letter from the Bishop was read. [Bishop Ough of Ohio wrote a powerful word of welcome that was read to us because he couldn't be here in person.] Especially the part that said, 'God isn't through with the United Methodist Church.' I really heard God speak through what the Bishop wrote. Now, I know that this is where I'm supposed to be."

And my mind went back to my parishioner's thoughts about Wesley... That's it? This changes the world?

Yes, it does.

Today was just another day in the church. We had worship. Words of encouragement were shared. People were challenged in new ways.
But today isn't just full of the experiences of one day. Today is full of the experiences of a lifetime. Today we experience God. The things that happen to us today will change our whole life. When we experience God and live out the faith that we have, the world is changed.

Today was just the first day of Sing A New Song. But the world is already changing, one experience at a time.

Lemons and Honey - Report 1 from Ohio

2011-08-25T23:22:00.003-04:00

This morning I ate lemons and honey. There were wedges in a bowl and a shallow pool on a saucer. I took one slice of the citrus and passed the rest along. Then I dipped one finger in the honey and sent the rest around the table.

This is not my typical breakfast. (I've actually been eating generic bran flakes lately.) But this morning I ate lemons and honey as part of the opening liturgy for a meeting of Reconciling Clergy. I'm in Ohio for the next few days at a national gathering of Reconciling Ministries Network and the Methodist Federation for Social Action.

The liturgy reminded us of the "bitter" and the "sweet". Clergy committed to the full inclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people know that there is a whole lot that is hard to swallow. There is the sadness of hearing painful stories. There is the frustration of having colleagues whisper in our ear that they "support us", and then never seeing those intentions transformed into action. There is the horror of hypocrisy all around us. There is the shock of recognizing the weaknesses inside of ourselves. We know the bitter.

But there is a second course on the table too! In our ministry, in our spirituality, in our bodies and in our whole lives, we know the "sweet". We know liberation. We know freedom. We know the joy of rejecting discrimination. We know the beauty of seeing God's goodness reflected in the diversity of our congregations. We know the pleasure of joining together in authentic worship and courageous planning. We know the wonderful taste of hope. We live to remember how lovely it is when we enjoy these gifts. We know the sweet.

This morning we ate lemons and honey. But we taste the bitter and the sweet everyday.

A time to mourn

2011-08-15T21:33:00.003-04:00

At Monday night Bible Study, we are continuing to make our way through Ecclesiastes. Here is part of what we read tonight:

Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong,
nor bread to the wise,
nor riches to the intelligent,
nor favor to the skillful;
but time and chance happen to them all.
For no one can anticipate the time of disaster.
Like fish taken in a cruel net,
and like birds caught in a snare,
so mortals are snared at a time of calamity,
when it suddenly falls upon them.
Ecclesiastes 9:11-12

There is no explaining tragedies. All we can say, is that only God knows. And by that, we mean that we do not.
But when we are shocked and sore from something very sudden and very sensitive, it isn't time to read these words. There is a time for everything and this is wisdom for another time.

When we are mourning and confused and sad, it is just time to cry.
Or it may be time for fiercer emotions.
Or maybe something more numb.

When tragedy is far away, we enjoy the life we have, because this is all we have.
The rest belongs to God. And by that, we mean it is beyond us.

this shining power of being

2011-08-10T15:43:00.003-04:00

Our Bible Study text for this past Monday, combined with the scripture reading from this morning's service of Vigils at Glastonbury Abbey has led to a wonderful connection for me.

The 8th chapter of Ecclesiastes begins with a rhetorical question and an observation about wisdom's manifestation in a person.
"Who is like the wise man?
And who knows the interpretation of a thing?
Wisdom makes one's face shine,
and the hardness of ones countenance is changed."
(Ecclesiastes 8:1, NRSV)

Jurgen Moltmann explains it like this,

"... whenever men and women lay hold of their existence charismatically, the Holy Spirit makes that existence shine. In pictures, earlier generations like to picture this shining power of being in the form of a halo. What they were tying to say was that the life that is charismatically possessed and sanctified again becomes the image of God, and is illuminated by the divine glory (kabod, doxa) which it reflects. After he had encountered God, Moses was forced to veil his face because the people found the reflection of the divine glory unendurable (Ex. 18). Paul discovered 'the glory of God in the face of Christ' (II Cor. 4.6), and in the same passage describes the experience of the Spirit as being 'a bright shining in our hearts'. Today we should talk about the 'aura' or 'charm' of which the person concerned is unaware." The Spirit of Life p. 196.

With all of this in my mind and on my heart, Brother James read about Stephen from the 6th chapter of Acts this morning. I was struck by the way that Stephen shines.
"Stephen, a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit.. Stephen, full of grace and power...[others] could not withstand the wisdom and the Spirit with which he spoke... And all who sat in the council looked intently at him, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel."
The wisdom, the Spirit, the shining, and the willing acceptance to do the toil with his hands that was allotted to him, made me realize that Stephen is the sort of wise person described in Ecclesiastes.

We all know people who have this shining power of being.
It is wisdom.
It is the Spirit.
It is the peace that flows from God through them.
When we meet people like this, we wimple want to be around them.
This is why the crowds followed Jesus.
This is why Israel cries out to the LORD in the thanksgiving psalms.
This is also what we experience when we love someone. They shine and so just to be near them is enough.

AND YET, Stephen's face shines in a place of hostility, tension, jealousy and the most fearful desperation.
Likewise, Ecclesiastes Chapter 8 moves from the image of the shining wise one, to the best advice on how to survive in the shadow of a king. (Advice Stephen did not heed.)
Moltmann continues the passage quoted above...

"We also talk about the 'atmosphere' in a group, which can be 'poisoned' or 'good'. There is a 'climate of trust' and 'a climate of mistrust'. Every life radiates its own atmosphere. This atmosphere results form the things that concern us, and with which we concern ourselves, but it also has to do above all with the things we most of all fear and most of all love. Other people are either unnerved and oppressed by this unconscious ambience, or stimulated and quickened by it. Life can radiate ambition and fear, or peace and tranquility; and in the same way it can radiate experiences of God." The Spirit of Life p. 196

Wisdom is set against foolishness.
Light shines in darkness.
Love protects us from hate.
The image of God is placed in a world that is evil.

Psalm 36 shows this relationship too. In the end, we have the prayer found there in verses 7 - 9.
'How precious is your steadfast love, O God!
All people may take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house,
and you give them drink from the river of your delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.'

Leaven - Not Leaving

2011-07-25T22:18:00.003-04:00

This morning I saw a friend squatting on the street in downtown Boston.
He looked tired.
I met him a few months ago when he relocated from Nashville, hoping to find affordable housing. I asked how he was doing.
"I'm running everywhere!", he said quickly. "I'm running here. I'm running there. I'm running back and forth, they got me going to meetings and interviews and appointments, this and that, and it keeps going!"
He looked really tired.
I asked, "Is all this running getting you anywhere?"
"Well the thing is, it isn't getting me there fast enough. I want to get there but it doesn't seem like it's happening."

And then I remembered, "Leaven, not leaving."

God works secretly. God works slowly. Sometimes it seems like God isn't even present at all. Even when we don't realize that God is even around - never mind actually making something happen - the lesson is "leaven, not leaving."

Like the one measure of yeast that a woman mixes in to make the bread rise.

Like the mustard seed that one day is a tree strong enough to support birds.

Like a net that surrounded fish without their even realizing it until suddenly they were being sorted out into baskets on the shore.

Leaven, not leaving.

God works slowly. For me, God works too slowly. For most of us, it isn't clear that God is even working at all.

Jesus was used to impatient people like me. He spent a lot of time with people who were rightly frustrated like my friend on the Boston sidewalk. When he got in a boat to preach to us in the crowd, he knew we were asking big, sad questions.

Questions like, Why? When? What if? and How come?

At times it seems like the best thing to do is to find our future somewhere else. At times it seems like we should quit, or even just leave.

We don't think like this because we don't have strong faith, we think like this because we have a shred of common sense left.

But we also have Jesus, however weak our grasp of what he was about and who he is. And we remember that Jesus taught us "leaven, not leaving."

We don't have the ability to make anything happen on our own. We just don't have the power to do it.
We don't have the money. We don't have the votes. We don't have the numbers. We don't even have common sense on our side. All we have is the hope that comes from Jesus.

And that gift from God, even though it is so much smaller an amount than everything else that the world gives us, is all that is needed for transformation.

I keep praying that God will mix it up.

And sometimes I just wait.

Grounded in Grace... Again!

2011-07-08T20:54:00.004-04:00

Starting last night and continuing for the next four Thursday nights members of the St. Nicholas community are gathering to read a collection of sermons by Martin Luther King. The title of the book we are reading is Strength to Love.

This is not a history class on the 1960's. Our goal is to mobilize love in our own lives.

Last night one of the many important questions we discussed was how to love in the face of what we perceive as evil. And how can we love when others perceive us as evil? (Just a normal summer evening theological conversation at St. Nicholas...)

This afternoon I came across some words that speak to this question.

"The church is always better at loving than at judging... [W]e have to judge. We have to arrive at decisions, and we have to sort things out, and we have to criticize, and be prophetic in various ways.

But, the prophet's role is always to be grounded in grace. Ant that's the fundamental message.

If we get that one right, other things are more likely to follow. If we don't get that one right, then nothing else will follow.
I'm convinced of that. That's the fundamental thing."

Rev. Dr. J. Philip Wogaman as quoted on page 234 of Adam's Gift

In the end (yes, and in the beginning) we are grounded in love thanks to the grace of God. All of our hope, all of our strength, all of our possibility is a gift that comes directly and unconditionally from God. Grace alone gives us the strength to love.

I know what you're thinking, "what a typical Methodist response!"
So sue me.

St. Nicholas UMC: A Reconciling Congregation

2011-06-28T21:37:00.003-04:00

When I was 18 I remember learning that the state of Vermont had legalized same-sex civil unions. I didn't like it. It felt weird, out of place and uncomfortable. I had already started coming out and was trying to learn how I could invest myself in the struggle for equality of gay and lesbian people but something about this didn't seem right. Most likely it was, as my friend Marla says, a simple lack of imagination on my part. My fear and uncertainty was simply a failure to imagine just what this new day would look like.

This weekend, the Boston Globe ran an article about the 100 plus United Methodist clergy in New England who have taken a public stand about performing same-sex unions. We do so even though some may like it. Not only that, we have done so aware that performing same-sex unions is a risk in our church because marrying same sex couples is a violation a current rule. Personally, it feels different to not feel like I am so alone.

I don't think it will be a surprise to anyone who has engaged with our ministry at St. Nicholas that we try to take very seriously the commandment to love our neighbor and ourselves as fully as possible. This sort of love is risky and is willing to come into conflict with any powers, assumptions or institutions - even at the cost of upsetting and overturning those things that would keep us from faithfulness to the gospel.

Furthermore, I don't think anyone who has joined us for public worship, or contacted us for a funeral, or called asking for prayer would be surprised to hear me say that we value kindness and try to respect the integrity of everyone we meet. It is an honor for our community to be involved with extending the ministry of Jesus Christ to people in any situation.

Finally, anyone who attends Bible Study or one of our classes knows that we are guided by the Holy Spirit in our discernment. Decisions are only made after studying scripture, listening to God through many hours of silence, fasting, praying, thinking through the wisdom of Wesleyan theology and other witness through the ages.

All of these things being said, there has not been any formal change in policy or witness at our congregation. We continue to invite all people who seek the presence of God in their life to walk the journey of faith with us through any of the many ministries we offer. Furthermore, we commit ourselves to being involved with ministry for all.

A perspective on injustice

2011-06-27T22:29:00.005-04:00

The recent church trial of Amy DeLong shocked me in many ways - most of them good! I've spent lots of time being thankful for the wonderful outcome. But one stunning moment of reflection is worth sharing.

Although the trial was in the works for close to two years, Amy's defense team had very little time to put together their argument: not much more than a week, amazingly. The reason they had so little time is that details kept shifting on them. The time, the location and the presiding officer all changed. And then, right at the beginning of this month, the evidence and most of the witnesses for the defendant were thrown out due to a very late and unexpected pre-trial ruling. All in all, it left about a week for the team to put their case together. Thankfully, God still made a way. But while the trial was going on I felt it truly was not fair.

In the midst of the jury's deliberations I shared with a friend how shocked I was at the injustice. She said to me very bluntly, "This is what African American people have been telling us for years. The system is not fair."

Whoa.

We didn't explore the ramifications of the statement or elaborate through examples. We didn't develop an analogy between racism and homophobia. But her words struck me deeply. In a moment, here's some of what I felt...

I felt sad that anyone else would experience something like the emotions that I was feeling due to perceived injustice.

I felt narrow for only having the identities of gay and lesbian people in my head and heart as we were talking.

I felt thankful for the friendship of heterosexual African American friends who might have even more sympathy than I realized.

I felt smart and more powerful for being able to see another opportunity to name injustice with the intention and ability to make change.

I felt challenged to recognize other examples of unfairness and double standards that I might not have recognized before...
(some of what I felt)

On Friday night, I had another experience that I think this earlier conversation helped to create.

On Friday night, I heard an interview with Jose Antonio Vargas about his life as an undocumented immigrant. (I hope you have read the essay)

What struck me was the way the interviewer asked him about how he thinks that coming clean with his lie affects his credibility as a journalist.

What struck me was that I didn't see Jose Antonio Vargas as "having lied."

To me, lying is a clear cut judgment - something that should not be done and should be avoided. But it doesn't seem that his behavior constituted lying. He was put in an unfair situation. I'd even say that he is the victim of injustice.
When he was a child, should he have investigated for himself to learn his status?
If a 12 doesn't do that, are they lying?
Should he have self-selected himself for deportation when he was 16 (when he found out)?
Is that fair?
How can we judge what he "should have done"?

Jose Antonio Vargas and millions of other undocumented immigrants are caught in a web of misfortune. Part of that misfortune is that he was put in a situation beyond his control. But part of that misfortune is the unjust system itself that puts enormous numbers of people in that web as well.
This is not to say that people born in this country to parents who are both citizens have put him in this bad situation either. They (we) have pain too and also face other injustices.

All Americans have to own and struggle with the injustices of our immigration policies. The difficulty and reality is not only for the MILLIONS of people who are part of the statistics. The rest of us cannot just judge and watch from a distance.

I think that his experience as an undocumented immigrant is something I have to learn from rather than judge. Learning a little about his story has helped to grow my heart. In addition to sharing my own story, learning from others is also an important part of how God calls me.

Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.
(Mt 7:1-2)

This is my prayer:

"God of Sympathy and Justice,
open my heart to the experiences of others
and protect me from the judgments that I make
so that I can love with the heart of Christ - Amen."

Events of June 23 in Kaukauna - part 4

2011-06-24T01:04:00.005-04:00

Shortly before 5:00 we suddenly heard that the jury was being summoned. No one knew if that meant that they had reached a decision or if they were asking for permission to retire for the day or if they were going to be instructed that they had to stay working through the evening or even if they wanted to report that they could not come to a decision at all.

During our hymn sing time, Sue Laurie had spoken some incredibly helpful words to those of us who were gathered and waiting. She said that even though right now it feels like we are waiting and we want the jury to return, once the moment finally comes there will be fear and plenty of uncertainty. We should know that and expect it. These times are complicated, we want them to come and then when the moment finally arrives... what if it doesn't go right? What if we did something wrong?

It's the same thing we feel at General Conference every four years. We work. We pray. We have conversations. We hold signs. We preach sermons. We work on our legislation. We build relationships. We make ourselves vulnerable by telling our stories and sharing from our hearts.

And then it's time to vote.

And those ten seconds when the little timer is blinking across the screen feel like the worst ten seconds in the world because we know that the results are just going to FLASH up there in front of us electronically on the screen, totally insensitive to the complexity and reality of what these votes mean to those of us who are being voted about. Suddenly our lives are nothing more than the outcome of a vote. And we know that we've been clobbered again. And then in another four years we'll get another ten seconds when maybe, this time, for once, something else will flash up in front of us.
Waiting for these jurors is the same feeling. We wait for something to happen, but when it's almost time, it won't feel good. You have to be strong. (Which is of course why we sing the songs of the faith.)

So Bishop Clay Lee entered the room and took his seat. Then Val came in the room, holding Amy's hand. She walked Amy right up to her seat next to Scott...

And nothing happened.

Finally, Bishop Lee spoke. "Folks, we apologize. I thought the trial court was right behind us. I must not be a very good leader. (big smile followed by lots of laughter) I feel a bit like the drum major who got two blocks ahead of his band."

Then the bailiff entered and Bishop Lee asked where the jury was. The bailiff looked surprised and said, "Oh, let me get them."

In a moment they came in - filed in - each taking their assigned seats. The chair person handed the form to Bishop Lee.
Then someone from the jury spoke. It made me very aware that this was the first time we've heard their voice the whole time. "We're not all here. We have to wait."

Then the two last jurors came in. One looked very concerned. The second had obviously been crying a great deal. Tears still falling from her eyes, but she had it together. As they came in just by themselves I also realized that this was the first time I saw them move separately since they became the jury on Monday. They've even had to enter and exit together. They took meals together and I'm sure they had to stay in a sequestered hotel even. As someone else said to me later, there is a lot of pastoral care and intense follow up that the Annual Conference will have to provide for these people after they get through this process.

Bishop Lee said that he was handed two sheets. The first is the official penalty form that they had to complete. The second, attached to the first, contained the written out penalty.

The vote was 9 to 4.

Amy will be suspended from her ministerial duties for 20 days, beginning July 1st. The purpose of this time is for spiritual renewal. Then she will be required to create a document to inform other clergy about the harm that is done by the breaking of clergy covenant and how best to proceed as a covenant community in the future. Her partners in creating this document will be Bishop Linda Lee, Superintendent Moyorga Solis (the complainant), Rev. Richard Strait (chair person of the Board of Ordained Ministry) and another elder of her choosing from the Wisconsin Annual Conference. Amy is to write the first draft by January 1st. This will then be revised in time for this to be forwarded to executive session of Annual Conference next year to be received so that they can take action on the document. It is to be informed by the Bible, the Book of Discipline and other relevant materials. Failure by Amy to fulfill the terms of this sentence will result in a one year suspension of her credentials.

The Bishop then said that this will conclude our time together. He thanked his primary staff - the Secretary of the Court, the administrative assistant and the "Bailiff" or "Sergeant at Arms" or "... actually, he never said what I should call him, but I know he did a good job."

He thanked the audience, whom he referred to as "the congregation." He added, "Particularly, I want to thank you for the hymn sing. It calmed my spirit."
The Bishop also gave thanks for "a part of the country I had not been familiar with. But now I know that it is blessed." He adjourned the court but a request was made that the jury be allowed to exit first.
They did, single file. Amy stood and embraced each of them with a mutual hug that they shared as they filed past her.
And we began to sing, "Shalom to you now. Shalom my friend. May God's full mercies bless you my friend. In all your living, and in your loving, Christ be your shalom. Christ by your shalom."
As we sang we formed a large circle, holding hands, around the perimeter of the fellowship hall. We repeated the song several times.
I was sorry to see that the church counsel and assistant counsel exited the room while we stood and sang. But then my head turned from that back door to look at the front of the room and there Bishop Lee was holding hands with his neighbors, singing and offering his blessing.
When we came to the end of our singing, Sue Laurie stepped forward and spoke a benediction. She quoted the words and image of Paul's 2nd Letter to the Corinthians and reminded us all, "You are a letter of Christ, written not on tablets of stone, but written on the human heart. Amy, you are a letter of Christ. And to all of us, you are a letter of Christ."
Then the cameras and reporters came in. There was plenty of hugging.

And it didn't take long before we were picking up umbrellas and packing up our tote bags. But this was a room full of church people. We knew what to do. The cushioned chairs were stacked on top of each other in groups of five. We pulled out the chair-rack and folded up the aluminum chairs so they could be pushed back into the storage closet. They were a bunch of us, so it didn't take too long to get the fellowship hall looking good again for Sunday. Pastor Tim was very thankful that we were there to help him put things back together.

...

Then we met back at the park, as we had planned, for our closing time together. All week there was a poster-board sign, maybe you saw it in some of the newspapers or on t.v. In rainbow lettering: "Love on Trial: God is Weeping." When Amy and Val got to the park, Amy took a magic marker and went to work on it. She held it up and we saw she had changed it "God is ---- smiling."

And there was a great celebration. Janet Wolf preached, which was perfect because it was her invitation to engage in restorative justice that really seems to have inspired the jury more than anything else that was said.

I think that for all of us it was hard to interpret hearing that penalty read because, to be honest, we are not used to hearing about a path other than retribution. In this case, and in others, we don't know what healing will look like until we make it happen. It must be hard for media to interpret this because the vocabulary really hasn't been created yet. But that's what we're going to do. And these five people in Wisconsin are going to show the way. This is the beginning of a new day and a turn in a new direction.

Scott Campbell said that in a way he felt like an honorary Wisconsinite. Amy quickly grabbed the mic and said, "It's a cheese-head."

In Amy's last words to us she said that she was so glad that she will get the chance to live out her calling by teaching in the church in the months ahead. And she couldn't be prouder of her denomination and for this chance to show the world that the church does not want to throw away it's gay children.
In closing she added that many people have asked her why she didn't just leave the church. She said the answer is easy, "I'm a girl scout. I always leave a place better than I found it."

Saying good-bye to the group was hard for me. I couldn't share a blessing the way I wanted and gives thanks to God without crying a lot. I got a few "check-ins". Basically, sometimes we are so grateful that it is difficult to express. But when God gives us grace, we say thank you.

Events of June 23 in Kaukauna - part 3

2011-06-23T17:28:00.002-04:00

We have continued to wait for several hours in the court room. There has been some movement... the stenographer leaves with her machine... counsels arrive and leave...
But nothing.

Friendships form. The counsel for the bishop used to have a law partner who was a fraternity brother with a representative from Soul Force. The women whom Amy married talk about their impressions of God when they were kids with another lesbian couple. We smile. We wait.

Then music broke out. Rev. Janet Ellinger found her way to the spinet piano and led us in singing "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms." This became Amazing Grace, then Standing on the Promises, then we slid back into leaning on the everlasting arms again.
And soon it was a full hymn sing. We sang the songs of the faith for over an hour. Hymnals were handed out. We learned new ones. We danced. We sat. We stood. We sung.

There is no word from the jury. It isn't clear that we will even get a word today. The jury could not be able to decide.
The Bishop has said a few times to people (of course he stayed for the hymn sing!) that it is possible that we will break for the day and come back in the morning so that they can continue to deliberate.

We don't really know what's going on in there. They have sent out several questions that the bishop has had to run by the counsels. We don't know. It's a run full of clergy people who are trying to come up with a penalty for one of their peers.

So we're still waiting.

Events of June 23 in Kaukauna - part 2

2011-06-23T14:00:00.002-04:00

The jury is still in recess. However, there has been an important change.
Bishop Lee has decided that the penalty requested by the counsel for the church is NOT permissible according to a ruling by the Judicial Council. The request for Amy to be suspended until she signs a written statement would be tantamount to an indefinite suspension. Therefore it would not be upheld.

Still they could vote to expel, defrock or suspend. Of course, there are also other options - I guess infinite options - including the invitation from Janet Wolf to host listening circles or other restorative processes.

The court continues to be in recess. Bishop Lee invited us to go to lunch saying that nothing will happen before 1:00pm - which it now is.

I went across the street to a little restaurant. Janet Wolf sat at our table! We were talking about The Man Jesus Loved by Ted Jennings. Janet said that her husband and she are best friends with Ted and his wife. Recently they were in Acapulco and Ted was talking about how our constructs of gender and class and race actually prevent us from seeing people at all. We really can't engage others when we are bound up with our own baggage. The next day when Janet and Ted walked on the beach, Janet said she literally saw what Ted was talking about. She couldn't believe how he was so clearly known as someone who interacts with everyone and respects everyone no matter what they look like or who they are. Janet said it was shocking and she learned a lot. Also, she said it is instructive to debate theology while drinking beer in Acapulco. I don't know about that, but it is good to talk about theology while drinking coffee in Kaukauna.

The court room is home to lots of conversations right now. Everyone is waiting... At the risk of sharing WAY too much, I'm sitting in back with my laptop. Tex Sample just walked past me to use the restroom. As he walked in I heard him say to the person next to him, "I like this room because it's the only place where I really know what I'm doing."

Many conversations happening, mostly in twos and threes.

...

Events of June 23 in Kaukauna - part 1

2011-06-23T11:13:00.002-04:00

I've been staying at "The Settle Inn" here in Kaukauna and every morning the simple kitchenette with a free breakfast is packed with supporters of Amy. It's funny to walk downstairs in a motor inn outside of Green Bay, Wisconsin at 6:30 in the morning to find Ann Craig and Tex Sample having breakfast. Actually, Tex sort of fits in a way.
This morning Tex was talking to some people who attend Asbury UMC in Delaware, OH (Tex is a member at Asbury UMC in Phoenix, Arizona) and they were asking if he remembers visiting their area in the past. He said it's difficult because he believes he has spoken over 10,000 times in his life (lectures, sermons, speaking engagements, etc...)
Then he said, "Still, I can't hold a candle to Wesley. He put me to shame when it comes to speaking, I don't know how he did it. By the way, can anyone here tell me where I can read about Wesley's wife? I'd like to learn more about the two of them but I can't find any resource that explores their marriage. (takes a sip of coffee, then shakes his head) You know, I always said he should have married that Sophia in Georgia, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. He should have kissed her! Instead he talked to her about her soul. Now you can't tell me that kissing doesn't have to do your soul."
It was a good breakfast.

I arrived at Peace UMC a few minutes before 8:00 to participate in the blessing and hymn singing. We had a good line by 8:00 - an hour before the doors open. Obviously we're going to get in and we don't have to line up so early. But we want to be together.

Which reminds me of another thing that Tex said last night that I left out of my post. When he preached he said that any theology that can't be put into action is a theology that has to be rethought. His theology of hope teaches him that hope is something that makes you go places you normally don't go. So is here in Kaukauna because he has hope. I'm not blogging this to say that people who are here are more hopeful than others. I know that there are countless people who "are here" because they have hope, wherever they are.

One of the people I talked to in line outside the church was Rev. Grace Imathiu who serves outside of Milwaukee. Her father is a Methodist Bishop in Kenya and that's where Grace is from. She told me about how a few weeks ago she was at a United Methodist Church in Kenya that had 3 adult woman, 9 adult men and then over 50 people under the age of 16. (The United Methodist Church has just started its presence in Kenya. The larger Methodist Church there, in which her father is a Bishop, is British Methodist.) I asked Grace if the ratio between kids and adults was because the kids were all orphans.
She said. "No. It's because the kids like going to church!"
ASSUMPTIONS!
She also said that the church was pretty much a shack made of corrugated iron. When she pulled up she asked someone outside the church where the parking lot is and they said, "We don't know. You're the only person who drove here."
This morning when Grace woke up in Milwaukee she said that she knew she had to be here to support Amy on behalf of the kids in that church in Kenya.
We had a time of worship when Rev. Janet Ellinger of River Falls UMC (over by the Minnesota border - learn your Wisconsin geography!) shared words from Vaclac Haval's "Disturbing the Peace." Hope is what allows you to see, not what is going to happen, but what is the right thing to happen. She told us that we are here because it is the right thing to do. We aren't here because we think that anything is going to happen beyond having our hope.

And we sang.

We went into the court room and Bishop Lee welcomed us and said that he is torn. "The clock in the back of the hall is three minutes slower than the watch I'm wearing. But I've always been a forward looking person, so lets move forward."

First the church counsel have their closing argument regarding the penalty. Their argument was clear. They asked the jury not to expel, defrock, or try to punish Amy. They asked that the jury suspend her until she is willing to sign a statement and give it to the Board of Ordained Ministry that says she will never again perform a same-sex union until the Book of Discipline changes its current position.

Then, counsel for Amy. First Scott Campbell asked that the Bishop rule whether or not the request of the church counsel is permissible by the Discipline. Then he began.

Let me say that you may want to get your pew at Harvard-Epworth in Cambridge reserved for this Sunday now if you want to get one at all. You can not imagine the power and spirit with which Scott spoke. The Holy Spirit moves through Scott.

He shared a passage from Eugene Peterson's rendering of Matthew 10 that encourages us not to be afraid or concerned that those who "proclaim so much love, experience so much hate."
These words have been important to Amy's team in the last months as we live in these in between times. in 1999, the church defrocked Jimmy Creech for the same charge Amy was found guilty of. Jimmy was clearly before his time, calling the church to what was inevitably coming by the grace of God. The Bible calls these people prophets. Jesus clearly said that we stone our prophets... but this wasn't to encourage us to continue in that process.
But even though stoning prophets is a part of our past, there are some things in our past that we should preserve. Surprisingly, Scott said that the Methodist tradition of "chargeable offenses" are an important and valuable part of our tradition that we SHOULD preserve. They come from a time when the word "discipline" meant covenant - not punishment and harm. They were meant to protect the church from people who would do the church harm, or use the church to harm others. But now, in our perverted times, we have manipulated this tradition and we use chargeable offenses to force pastors to violate their own consciousness. This behavior of the church is insidious. The word discipline has become a weapon we brandish to bully and intimidate others into seeing the world in the same frightened way that we do.
But as Jimmy saw, the world is changing.
Don't Ask Don't Tell in the military has collapsed.
The Defense of Marriage Act has been abandoned.
The United Nations has called for universal human rights for ALL.
40 United Methodist Bishops have called for an end to our church's policies concerning gay and lesbian people.
HUNDREDS of Methodist clergy have signed statements saying they will not abide by the church's discriminatory policies on marriage.
These are not the seeds of schism. They are the sowing of the seeds of the Gospel because God is bringing forth something new. Scott said that "I hope that this is the last trial in our church for this issue. If not, we risk squandering the great heritage of Methodism in defense of something that is indefensible. Will we be the ones who crucify our church or will be midwives who bring forth something new?... What should be the punishment for the offense of love? Let the penalty fit the crime."

(if you find this moving, then please make a donation to the DeLong defense fund. Find the link by clicking here.)

The church gave a rebuttal. They asked the jury to consider that if they do not agree on the "signed statement" penalty then people will leave the church because we don't hold people accountable to the Book of Discipline.
He asked us to remember Africa and Latin America where people clearly agree with our current teaching. These people are in a life and death struggle with radical Islam and we cannot abandon them.
Finally he said that if we follow the ethical reasoning of the experts yesterday than everyone will do whatever they want because people will decide what's right themselves instead of following the Book of Discipline.

The Bishop ruled that the request for a signed statement is permissible according to church law. The jury could also decide to expel Amy from the church, to defrock her so she is no longer clergy, or suspend her according to any standard they dictate.
The only stipulation is that their decision be agreed on by seven of the thirteen.
All that is needed is a simple majority.

The jurors exited, ushered by the Sergeant at Arms, and the court was told to be "at ease."

Events of June 22 in Kaukauna - part 2

2011-06-22T23:58:00.002-04:00

Amy was right. When we tell the truth we win. Her chances of winning were 100%.
Why? Because she was doing the right thing and telling the truth.

After it was announced that Amy was found guilty of one charge (performing the union) and not of the other (incompatibility) we went directly into the "penalty" portion. In this stage, more witnesses can be presented to help the jury decide on a penalty.

The church only called Amy. They asked her if she will ever perform another union. She said she didn't know how to answer that because it is complicated. The church counsel then asked if she would be willing to vow never to do so again. She said she couldn't imagine doing that.

Then we moved to witnesses for the defense. The defense's line-up was among the most amazing expressions of courage and faithfulness I've ever seen in my life. The power of truth telling was liberating to my soul. It made my heart feel as free and as loving as Amy DeLong's.

First Caroline came up (a.k.a. Kerrie's partner). Caroline testified that Amy's performance of her union brought her back into the church. After a hurtful relationship with the church in her youth, she was gone until she made friends with a few Methodist pastors. She was asked for insight on how Amy should be punished. Caroline said, "All I have to say about a punishment for Amy is that it is shameful that she should be found guilty for performing a marriage ceremony for us."

The next witness was Rev. Richard Straight, the chair of the Wisconsin Board of Ordained Ministry. He must have been curling Bibles and Disciplines in the witness room because he was ready to go.

He stated that Amy was one of the finest pastors he has ever known. Beyond the shadow of a doubt, she shows the gifts and graces for a call to ordained ministry in the United Methodist Church. When asked to consider a punishment, he said that if performing these unions is really going to suddenly start becoming a big deal in the Methodist church than a whole lot of us will start being in trouble. Furthermore, if Amy could return to the local parish, it would be an enormous blessing to the Annual Conference. (I thought he was saying that her "punishment" should be taking a local church appointment again - she is currently in extension ministry).

He was asked by the church counsel if the Board ever finds that people could serve better in other denominations. Richard said that although this may clearly be true for some clergy he knows (nice long pause and stare), the board would never make such a decision.

The next witness was Phil Wogaman. How can I possibly explain the stature of this man to some one who doesn't know him? Here's the link to his wikipedia article. I'll just say he is an absolute titan. Actually, it was more like from here on in we had Olympians descending into our little fellowship hall basement, one after another. Scott took about three minutes to read Phil's credentials.

His testimony was brilliant: thought provoking, measured, genuinely interesting and at times funny. He pointed out that there is no prescribed punishment and that a loss of credentials should certainly not be assumed.
He suggested the jury remember that the heart of the gospel as understood by John Wesley is God's grace, the love of God, and our response to God and each other in light of this grace. The question is whether the union that was performed was between grace-filled people and whether there is anything that gets in the way of God's grace in this union.
There is something more at stake here than just recognizing that a law has been found to have been broken. Law in the church is not law for its own sake. Law in the church is law for the sake of God's love.
First we need to weigh the harm done against those who are stigmatized by our rejection and condemnation of them. Then we must decide whether a given action stands in the way of receiving God's grace or whether or not the thing we are concerned about might in fact be an expression of that very grace.

The church counsel decided to cross examine Phil Wogaman. I'm putting this exchange down on my all time top ten church experiences.

The counsel asked who makes the decision that it is okay to override something in the Discipline in light of another part. Phil said we all do, individually and collectively. And we do it remembering that John Wesley was ordered, according to church law, by his bishop, not to preach at all in his parish. His response? The world is my parish. He broke the law. We could also look at Luther, but let's just talk about the ministry of Jesus Christ himself. He very clearly instructed his disciples to break the law by plucking grain on the Sabbath. It is not necessary to elaborate much to show that breaking the law is an essential part of our faith.

For some reason the counsel continued to try to cross examine him. They asked if it is not true that in the 2000 year history of our church you will find overwhelming support of the United Methodist Church's current statement on homosexuality. Phil said no. You're not going to run into it much. It's just not there. Furthermore, if you apply that standard you will find many things that you will not want to associate yourself with. If you take that sort of approach to ethical reasoning the biggest thing you will be struck with are teachings and practices that denigrate the role of women. It is very hard to even take that approach to the question in front of a jury that has women on it. The very fact of who is in the room shows that to be a problematic approach to the question before us.

Next up: Tex Sample.

Scott confessed that he had misplaced his typed introduction of Tex, like the one he read for Phil, so he asked Tex to introduce himself. Tex gave his introduction, noting he like Bishop Lee is a native of Mississippi. You can click here... He also wanted us to know that he has just completed a four year term as chair person of the stewardship committee at his local church and that they ended with a surplus. This was greeted with applause from the court.

He was asked about what a fair punishment would be and said we shouldn't proceed lightly. Fairness is very difficult when we have such a divided church. We need to realize that the amount of time and attention we pay to this are way out of proportion to how important it really is. Consider the existence of polygamy in the world. It is an important issue that requires care and courage. However we don't even address it at all. Instead we have the same discussions about homosexuality over and over again. So we need to realize that our focus is off.
Tex said that his experience of marriage comes out of 54 years of being married to Peggy. "And in fact, before then I didn't have any experience at all!" The court irrupted in laughter. Even the jurors couldn't sit still. "But in the name fairness, please remember that our approach isn't fair."
He also spoke about the first Christian doctrine of marriage coming from Augustine. There is no scriptural doctrine of marriage. He compared Augustine and Wesley with our current discipline. He pointed out that between the three of them they all agree. The only thing that stands out from all of this in the case before us is the gender of the parties involved. Maybe we should think of the penalty in terms of how close and consistent we are with doctrines of marriage and let go of the aspects of this issue we normally focus on.

Finally, Janet Wolf was called. I thought my head and heart were going to explode... you know, in a good way.
Janet introduced herself by saying that she first met the United Methodist Church at a time in her life when she wasn't very lovable. Her former church had asked her to leave because her husband had left her. They didn't think she was a good role model. But she found her way to a Methodist church and they loved her when others judged her and made her leave. Now she is an elder - ordained in the Tennessee Annual Conference - and professor of Church and Society at American Baptist College in Nashville, TN.

She spoke about restorative justice- the principle under which this court operates. The questions are not - what law was broken, who broken and how should they be punished.
The questions are - what harm was done, how can it be restored and who might be partners in the rebuilding.

The United Methodist Church does not endorse retributive systems of justice. We believe in reconciliation and restoration.

She ended by saying that Amy has opened a door and the church has the chance to walk through it by showing another way to live out the gospel.

As it was then 5:00 (about), the bishop adjourned us until 9:00am. We will then have closing statements and instructions to the jury for the discernment of the penalty.

After the trial we met in the park again. IT FELT GOOD! Our singing of "This Little Light Of Mine" must have floated right up the Fox River to Green Bay and beyond.

Tex Sample preached. He reminded us that we live our lives in front of a great horizon. At times we get visions of all that is possible in this space. Today we got a sense of that vision. Our vision isn't perfect on this side of the horizon, but we're getting there.

I feel safer

2011-06-22T23:51:00.003-04:00

I feel safer in the United Methodist Church than I have in a long time.
Today in a trial court, we rehearsed how an ordained elder submitted to her bishop legal proof that she is in a covenanted same-sex union.

The church's response?

There is no violation of our church law here.

I feel safer in this church than I have in a long time.

The logistics of this are complicated. If you want, we can talk about it.

But more importantly, what I want to share is, I feel safer.

Events of June 22 in Kaukauna - part 1 through verdict

2011-06-22T22:11:00.003-04:00

Day 2 of the trial began much like day one - singing and prayer. You can find some video footage on facebook of the impromptu hymn sing led by Sue Laurie as we waited for the church doors to open... until the church doors are open, we sing.
There were about 100 people waiting to get in. I believe all of us were 'rainbow stoled' but I may be wrong. There was enough room for all of us inside the court.
Bishop Clay Lee again opened us with prayer. (N.B. There are two Bishops Lee involved in the case. Bishop Linda Lee is the current Bishop of Wisconsin. Bishop Clay Lee is a retired Bishop who is serving as the presiding officer for this trial.)

We then went immediately to the cross-examination of Rev. Jorge Moyorga (witness for the church and Complainant) by the counsel for the defense. Again, this was conducted by Rev. Scott Campbell, pastor of Harvard-Epworth UMC in Cambridge, MA, who is Amy DeLong's counsel.

Many important things were established in this cross-examination.
First, although Rev. Mayorga has known Rev. DeLong since they were classmates in the mid 1990's in seminary and despite the fact that he has been her immediate supervisor for a number of years, he never knew that Amy was lesbian until February of 2010 when he read her annual report and she stated she is in a partnership with another woman. Secondly, he reported that not once in the years he has been her supervisor has he had a one-on-one meeting with Amy.
Most importantly, Rev. Mayorga stated that he concluded that Rev. DeLong is a "self-avowed practicing homosexual" based on the fact that she is in a partnered, covenanted relationship with a woman. This is really where the whole case comes down.

The Judicial Council (the high court of the United Methodist Church that interprets the law) ruled in decision no. 920 that if a clergy person reveals they are living in a covenanted relationship with a same-sex partner, there is reason to begin a review process to determine if the clergy person has engaged in activities determined to be incompatible with Christian teaching. Specifically, as a part of the review process, the church must ask if a clergy person has engaged in "genital contact." (Sorry) The important part here is that the church NEVER ASKED AMY these questions. Scott asked Jorge how Amy responded to this question and Jorge of course said, "She was not asked."
Scott asked, "Why not?"
Jorge said, "I don't know."
There was laughter in the courtroom.

The cross examination continued with Scott asking Jorge if he recalled saying on the previous day that he considers the Discipline to be sacred? (I don't have time for the titles and 'Reverends' - sorry but I'm tired!)
Jorge said he did.
Scott then asked him if he has ever read the first page of the Discipline which states in a letter from the Council of Bishops that the Disciple is not sacrosanct or infallible but is worthy of our heritage as it is simply the best attempt of our church at a given time to address the issues before us?
Jorge said he meant that the larger covenant is sacred - the spirit of the Discipline - not specific rules themselves.

Scott asked if Jorge also believes that the following are sacred -
paragraph 335.c4 - "Are you willing to minister to all persons without regards to... sexual orientation?"
paragraph 139 - "Inclusiveness denies every semblance of discrimination.
paragraph 161f - We implore churches and families not to reject or condemn gay and lesbian family members and friends.
The General Rules - Category 1 - Do No Harm - including the prohibition against going to law with a brother (OR SISTER).
Jorge agreed these are all sacred.

The counsel for the church was allowed the chance to address the witness again. He asked if "being in ministry" meant doing whatever a church member asked of you and accepting everything about them. Jorge said no, part of the ministry of Jesus Christ is offering someone the chance for transformation.

Then the counsel for the defense was granted the chance to redirect.
In this final portion of questioning Jorge was asked if he believes that transformation is necessary for a gay or lesbian person to receive the ministry of Jesus Christ. He confirmed, that yes, he agrees that a person must be transformed in order to be offered the ministry of Jesus Christ.

There were no further questions.

The next witness called by the church was the Rev. Amy DeLong.

She was asked to identify herself and state her title.
When asked when she was first ordained and appointed Amy said, "I'm really bad at math." But she did her best. Ordained as a Deacon in 1997. Ordained as an elder in full connection in 2000.
She was asked if she performed a same-sex union for a couple on September 19, 2009 in Menominee, Wisconsin. She said indeed she had.
He asked if she presented material to Rev. Steve Polster, Assistant to the Bishop of Wisconsin, as part of the review process that she performed this ceremony and did she also present a copy of her certificate of domestic partnership?
She said yes.
He asked why she presented the information about her partnership.
Amy said that she had been forced to misrepresent herself long enough and "You won't dis-integrate me any more."
(I'll just go into back and forth without the "he said" "she said". This is not a transcript but I did take good notes and want to give you the best sense I can of this important exchange.)

Counsel: Did you acknowledge that you are a self-avowed practicing homosexual?

Witness: "I have no idea what those words mean."

Counsel: So you did not state that you are a self-avowed practicing homosexual in the email labeled church exhibit 8, an email written by you?

Witness: I quoted the Discipline, those are not my words.

Counsel: Does this not acknowledge that you are in fact a self-avowed practicing homosexual?

Witness: (looking down intently) You know, I just noticed a spelling mistake in my email here and I'm a little consumed by that, I was an English major.

Counsel: (waits for laughter to stop) Then why did you use these words?

Witness: I was quoting the Book of Discipline.

Counsel: Have you not on numerous occasions sated that you are a self-avowed practicing homosexual?

Witness: When I'm quoting the Book of Discipline.

Counsel: How would you describe your relationship with Val?

Witness: You should probably ask Val... Actually it looks like Val thinks I should describe it. Okay. Val is the love of my life. Sometimes we make our heterosexual friends jealous because her have such a connection. I cannot imagine my life without her... Should I keep going?

Counsel: Is it like a marriage?

Witness: I've never been married.

Counsel: Does it include the elements of a marriage?

Witness: I'd say it's better.

Counsel: Is there a romantic element?

Witness: I've been called a romantic.

Counsel: Does it include genital sexual contact.

Witness: I don't know if you're just being voyeuristic, or if you're trying to make up for what should have been asked before, but I will not divulge the intimate details of my life to aid you in your attempt to do me harm.

At this point Amy's counsel raised an objection and the Bishop immediately called both counsels to the bench. They spoke for several minutes.

Then they returned to their desks and the counsel for the church proceeded.

Counsel for the church: Did your relationship include genital sex.

Counsel for the defense: Objection! Bishop we just agreed that he could not ask that question.

Counsel for the church: No, I'm asking it in a different way.

Bishop allows it.

Witness: I will never disclose the intimate details of my life to anyone who is trying to do me harm.

Counsel: So are you a self-avowed practicing -

Bishop: Counsel you have asked this question multiple times. You must move on...

Written questions from the trial court were later allowed if they were submitted to the bishop. One was what was her intention in performing the ceremony for Kerrie and Caroline?

Amy said her intention was to extend the ministry of Jesus Christ.

Then she was asked if she expected to face the consequences.

She said, "All I can do is operate out of integrity, authenticity and faithfulness."

Another juror asked they be given a copy of Judicial Council Decision 920 for their deliberation.

A final juror asked why the same question was asked four times by the counsel for the church and if this amounted to badgering.

The Bishop dismissed Amy. She said, "I'll be right over there if you need me."

If there is any hope of me getting to bed and making it tomorrow I WILL HAVE TO SUMMARIZE

The defense brought their case. Only two witnesses were allowed: Kerrie Johnson and Amy DeLong.

First Kerrie, one of the woman who were united by Amy was asked why she thought a pastor should officiate at her union.

Kerrie said, "I believe in God."
Furthermore, everybody gets to have a pastor preside at their union. It's part of what makes it legitimate.

Kerrie also shared that Amy is her pastor, for both her and Caroline. Kerrie shared how she serves Wisconsin as a State Police Officer. In that capacity she has completed a "Line of Duty Death Request." She has asked that if she should die in the line of duty that Rev. Amy DeLong be the first person notified. She would not trust the news of her death to be told to her partner Caroline by anyone else than the pastor who presided at their union.

Amy was then brought back to the stand.

She was asked why she performed the union service for Kerrie and Caroline. Amy said she was glad to be asked because throughout the review process she was never asked this. She was only asked why she didn't just lie about it.

She agreed to perform the union because to deny the ministry of Jesus Christ to anyone would be a violation of her ordination vows.

The defense rested.

We then went to closing statements.

I wish I had a counter for the number of times that the counsel for the church used the phrase "self-avowed practicing homosexual." I'd say it was around twenty.

I am reluctant to summarize Scott's closing statement at this hour - it was too perfect to mess with. I will say that he called this a momentous moment in the life of our church when this trial court had the chance to remind us of our faith. This faith includes the words of Amos that "justice will flow down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream." We can either be content with the tiny trickles of tradition or we could opt to be flooded with the great torrents of justice. (I got that part written down - amazing)
We could continue to be a church that chooses to tithe dill and cumin rather than deal with the weightier matters of justice and righteousness.
His words about a church that celebrated with Kerrie and Caroline the gifts that God had hidden for them made me cry too much so I really couldn't write them down.

The court broke at 12:00 for deliberation.

At 3:15 they returned.

On charge 1 - performing a same-sex union ceremony - guilty.
On charge 2 - engaging in practices determined to be incompatible with Christian teaching - NOT GUILTY.

Events of June 21 in Kaukauna

2011-06-21T22:21:00.004-04:00

Brief summary
We gathered on the lawn of Peace UMC to remember our baptismal vows, sing and pray. A bowl with smooth stones was filled with water and we splashed ourselves to remember that we are blessed.
We were given tickets and allowed to enter the courtroom for the reading of Amy's Counsel's "Proof of Offer." This was a lengthy statement, read prior to the beginning of the trial, that outlines objections that the defense has to how the case is being conducted. Although not admitted in this trial, it becomes part of the record that can be used for appeals. (NOTE: IF IT IS NEEDED, WE WILL WIN THE APPEAL!)
Scott Campbell was amazing. I know... the whole team is, but Scott does the talking.
Some of the concerns - this is not an open trial since there is limited seating and some people have to wait outside
- all exhibits have been ruled irrelevant by the presiding Bishop
- 3 key witnesses have been ruled irrelevant
- the presiding Bishop has written in a statement to the counsel, "I will not permit any reference to civil law or civil rights..." Compare this with paragraph 2707 in the Book of Discipline which guarantees that civil rights will not be violated in a church trial.
- the presiding Bishop has exceeding his authority by making multiple determination of facts unilaterally instead of creating a structure for the trial court to decide
- church exhibit #8 should be deemed irrelevant since it is a political and not a personal statement by the defense
- the church has no actual evidence that Amy ever engaged in prohibited sexual activity
- the church has been operating for over ten years fully aware of Amy's sexual orientation, thus violating the legal concept of estoppel

This is a very brief summary...

Then we went into jury ("trial court") selection.

46 elders from the Wisconsin Annual Conference came with certified letters from the Bishop asking them to appear. 23 names were pulled from a jar. Then they were asked questions from each side (counsel for the church and counsel for Amy).

Some of this was very disturbing...
Do you have any opinions about the church's official statements on homosexuality that you think will influence your ability to make a decision?

Do you have any gay or lesbian family members or do you know any gay or lesbian people? Do you think this will affect your ability to be impartial?

Have you followed this case at all in the media or ever discussed it?

It was bad. And of course, liberal after liberal raised their hands or tried to recuse themselves on the grounds that they think the church's official statement is unjust and anti-Christian. It was scary.

This was a long process. Nine were withdrawn, nine more called, more questions. Another stepped down. Then each side was able to strike four to get us back to 15. A 13 person "trial court" (jury), with two alternates. We have to trust that this is a just system. It felt horrible, but I'm sure that's just my feeling. And I do appreciate the witness of those who really could not put themselves through the process of being jurors. Some of them were REALLY clear that they couldn't even listen to the language of "the issue before us" and "the practice sexuality". The church is really that offensive that some of us can't even stand to hear it.

Then we went to opening statements.

The church counsel spoke a lot about covenant, integrity and breaking the law.
Amy's counsel spoke about how the church has no evidence to present that Amy is a self-avowed practicing homosexual according to Judicial Counsel decisions 920, 980 and 1027. Furthermore, Amy's decision to marry a same-sex couple is obedient to the highest laws of the Discipline (namely, being in ministry with all people and to avoid every semblance of discrimination)

The church called two witnesses (only the first of which was cross-examined). The first was the Assistant to the Bishop who explained the supervisory process Amy has been under. He did say that she was not asked and did not share that she has engaged in any prohibited sexual activity.

The second is the dean of the appointment cabinet, Amy's District Superintendent. He was not cross examined because it was very close to five when the church concluded.

The actual testimony and questioning is brutally specific and painfully slow.

AND THEN.....

We went to the nearby public park for a service. It was so Wisconsin! Not a piece of litter in a beautiful park that looked about twice the size of the town itself. Jimmy Creech preached about Romans 13 - love is the fulfillment of the law. I'll just say that in my Bible, in the margin space next to the description of how Paul refused to stop preaching the gospel even after they let him out of jail with that one specific instruction, I have Jimmy's name written.

Tomorrow we will worship at 8:00 in front of the church again so that we are ready to be in line by 8:15. We want to be sure we can get inside the building.

Before I fall asleep, I want to ask you to please pray for the trial. And also, please pray for people who's faith is tested by these events. And please pray especially for gay and lesbian people everywhere. And you can give thanks to God for Amy DeLong, her partner Val, for Scott Campbell, for the local team here in Wisconsin, for Jimmy Creech and for the witness of Methodists everywhere.

That's where I learned to swim...

2011-06-21T21:58:00.003-04:00

I can still remember what Sarah said when we first met.
"That's where I learned to swim."

It was the autumn of 2004, my first Sunday at the United Parish of Auburndale - a wonderful congregation where I was the youth pastor for four years. I had just told my new church family that I would be traveling to Pennsylvania in a few weeks to be present at the trial of Beth Stroud. She was being charged with being a "self-avowed practicing homosexual." The trial was to be held at Camp Innabah, a United Methodist youth camp.

And after the service Sarah came up to me and said, "That's where I learned to swim." I remember it so clearly. We were right in the hallway outside of the sanctuary where all of the church members have their pictures on the wall. I hardly knew what to say to someone who was so shocked and hurt that the camp of her youth - WHERE SHE LEARNED TO SWIM! - was being turned into a court room to defrock a pastor because she is a lesbian.

Here we are in 2011. And we're no better off.

Today I spent the day in the fellowship hall of Peace United Methodist Church. And you can really tell that it's a church fellowship hall.

The mismatched chairs...

The cinder block walls painted with murals of Biblical images of palm trees and Greek columns and clay jars...

The drop ceiling drooped by moisture...

The labels on the doors with the cute names for Sunday School Classes... ("3 Kings Theater", "Visions of God", "Awesome Creations")

This is a place for kids to learn. They are learning the stories of our faith. They are growing up to know that God loves them. They are meeting Jesus.

And here we are to defrock the Rev. Amy DeLong because she is a lesbian and ministers to gay people too.

This is part of what Methodist kids are learning: it is okay to mistreat people who are different.

And of course there are those kids in Sunday School at Peace UMC who are gay - whether they know it or not.

Someday they will tell disbelieving friends about a church called Peace where they went to learn about God's love. And in that same place, they set the chairs up in the shape of a court room to judge others.

In the basement of a bar

2011-06-21T07:16:00.002-04:00

Last night over 100 Methodists met in the basement of a bar for worship on the night before the trial of the Rev. Amy Delong. (Peace United Methodist Church is still off limits. Thankfully God provided a space with wonderful hospitality.)

I saw friends from Ohio, Idaho (for New Englanders - these are NOT close to Wisconsin), and other areas. If you wanted to be here, you really had to find it. Apparently, even Wisconsin Badgers do not know where Kaukauna is. I met one woman who is the daughter of a United Methodist pastor and now lives about two hours away where she attends a Lutheran Church because the Methodist option isn't welcoming. (Though there are plenty of good reasons to go to a Lutheran Church besides the Methodist Church not being good enough!) When she found out this trial was happening less than two hours away, she knew she had to be here. She was one of several people who said "I can't believe this is happening in the Methodist Church and I can't believe this is happening in Wisconsin."

Yes, in 2011 the United Methodist Church charges gay and lesbian people with being incompatible with Christian teaching. Hypocrisy and discrimination is as close as the nearest cross and flame logo.

Last night the worship was inspiring. Lots of scripture passages, communion and Amy preached THREE TIMES! (still not enough in my opinion)

The first portion was on Ezekiel 34 - woe to the false shepherds who have turned on their own flock that they were supposed to be protecting. Amy reminded us that a shepherd has one job - to take care of the sheep. But instead of caring for others, the church is fleecing people. Please read Ezekiel 34 and remember that God is pissed with the false shepherds.

The second "sermon" was about Lazarus raised from the dead. Amy said, "We remember Lazarus... single guy.... lives at home with his adult sisters..." Yes, we know this great gay liberation text... Jesus said, "Lazarus, COME OUT!" And then, Amy reminded us, it is the job of the community to unbind the wrappings so that he can go free. And that's what we were doing last night. We were unbinding each other, Amy and ourselves, from the wrappings of death that restrict us from living. Jesus has called us out and instructed us to free each other.

Finally, Amy brought us to 2nd Corinthians 6:8b-10, "We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet are well known; as dying, and see - we are alive; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing everything."

That's us; celebrating, praying, worshiping, and celebrating Jesus Christ in the basement of a bar because the church won't have us.

It wasn't the upper room, it was the lower room... EVEN BETTER!

We ended with communion. A potter friend of Amy's had just made a new cup (chalice for the church nerds) for her to use to serve communion. Instead of the typical goblet shape with the long stem, this one was more like a bowl. That way instead of serving "knuckles out" with your hand in a fist, we were served the cup with an open hand. Beautiful.

The court room at Peace United Methodist opens at 9:00am local time. Both sides will make statements and then jury selection is at 12:30. Today Jimmy Creech arrives as well. He will preach this evening to supporters an hour after the trial ends for the day. We'll meet at a local public park in the evening. We had to get a town permit to hold this service because the church is not open to us.

The Council in Wisconsin

2011-06-20T10:58:00.004-04:00

I am looking at the wind turbines in Hull. But instead of looking out the parsonage window, I am at Logan airport looking across Boston Harbor.

In less than an hour I will board a flight for Chicago. Friends will pick me up and we'll drive to Wisconsin to be present at the trial of Rev. Amy Delong.

Amy is being put on trial by my denomination - our denomination - the United Methodist Church. She is charged with performing a wedding for a same-sex couple and for being in a same-sex relationship herself.

I have just read Acts 15 - the story of the first church council in Jerusalem. An imaginative part of me wants to think of this meeting I am going to as a "church council." But of course it isn't. At that council the church gathered to figure out how it would handle the crisis it was facing.

This meeting is not about handling a crisis. It is about handling Amy.

But I still have greater hope for how we will gather...

Acts 15:2-4
"And after Paul and Barnabas had no small dissension and debate with them, Paul and Barnabas and some of the others were appointed to go up to Jerusalem to discuss this question with the apostles and the elders. So they were sent on their way by the church, and as they passed through both Phoenician and Samaria, they reported the conversion of the Gentiles, and brought great joy to all the believers. When they came to Jerusalem, they were welcomed by the church and the apostles and the elders, and they reported all that God had done with them..."

I hope that as we gather we will have the chance to give thanks for what God has done through Amy and through other gay and lesbian clergy.

I hope that believers will be brought great joy when they hear about the grace that God is showing through loving same-sex couples.

I hope that the trial is a witness to what God is doing through us.

My Speech at Annual Conference - June 11, 2011

2011-06-11T18:06:00.002-04:00

Thank you Bishop. Will Green. St. Nicholas. Hull, Massachusetts.

I rise to support the resolutions, but more important than speaking to this one vote, I hope to add something new to this very old debate.

The United Methodist Church's current statement about sexuality denies the reality of how mysterious and complex sexuality really is.
The practice of sexuality - ANYONE'S sexuality - is far more than one discreet event or activity that can be isolated, regulated and judged.

I know this because I have been given the gift of trying to figure out why God has blessed me with my sexual orientation. I have had to discern just how my sexuality is supposed to be fully integrated into my life.
Because I'm an out gay man, I have had the gift of face-to-face, heart-to-heart conversations about sex with my parents.
After prayer and study, I have had honest and meaningful interactions with my Bishop, with my District Superintendents and with many other people that have required me to address and integrate my sexuality. These conversations are never about how I do or do not have sex with someone else. These conversations are about my relationships, my emotional life, my personal decisions and my overall development because this are things that make up my sexuality.
This experience of integrating sexuality fully into one's life is a gift that gay, lesbian and bisexual Christians bring to the church. It strengthens the body of Christ and even heterosexual people need this gift of learning how to integrate and develop their sexuality into their lives so that they don't think that sexuality is just about having sex.

When we compartmentalize sex into one activity or action we risk becoming severely maladjusted, dysfunctional people. Sexuality is such an important part of being human that when we reject a person's maturely developed sexuality, we reject that person.
When you reject healthy and holy expressions of sexuality in others, you reject the possibility for wholeness in yourself and you do harm to the body of Christ.

As I have come out of the closet, I have come to agree with the words of the Apostle Paul - "God has opened a door for me."
And hand in hand with growing my understanding of sexuality has also come my acceptance of God's call on my life for leadership in this church.
What I'm saying is that now we can go through this door together - so that we can develop into more mature Christians.

Please support these resolutions.

God is in that too

2011-06-04T08:32:00.002-04:00

Wednesday night was the storm. I was safe.
But I did see the storm coming because I live out in the water. I saw it across the harbor in Boston.

Before the storm came to me I was outside and saw the lightning.
It made me think of Israel looking up on Sinai and knowing that Moses was talking to God.
It made me think of Luther bargaining for his life.
It made me think of Wesley afraid that he would die and admiring those who could sing.
It made me think of how I'm way too religious and need to get out more.

Last night I was walking through the South End and saw the sunset in purple and orange and blue. And I remembered that God is in that too.

...truth be told, I wasn't exactly watching the sunset. I was reading Rabbi Heschel but had to look up when I came to intersections.

"Anger is always described as a moment, something that happens rather than something that abides. The feeling expressed by the rabbis that even divine anger must not last beyond a minute seems to be implied in the words of the prophets... For His anger is but for a moment, But His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night But joy comes with the morning." The Prophets, vol. II, pg. 70

The terror of the storm, the beauty of the sunset, the warmth of the sun.
God is with us.

The Fruit of the Spirit

2011-04-20T12:30:00.002-04:00

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Generosity
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self Control

Now who can argue with that?

It takes longer to rebuild than to destroy

2011-04-14T23:06:00.002-04:00

Someone who is always at our weekly Bible Study wasn't there on Monday night because of surgery. The surgery was several days before. It went fine. She did great. The recovery is horrible... just like it is supposed to be.

We read chapters 8 and 9 of Genesis (well most of 9), the story of AFTER the flood. The story of the clean up is much longer than the story of the flood itself. There are more details of the effects than the actual event. One calculation said that it took three times longer for the land to dry than it did for the rain to fall. 40 days and 40 nights are nothing when you think of the waiting that followed. Even after the ark got stuck on the mountain, it was a long time before they could get out of the boat.

And then the raven... then the dove... it took forever.

It takes longer to rebuild something than it does to destroy it - even for God.

Think of recovery from surgery.
Think of recovery in addiction.
Think of our economy.
Think of Noah.
Think of trauma survivors.

Think of how long it all takes - even for God.

Wisdom Communion

2011-04-14T22:56:00.002-04:00

A discussion of trauma in our Tuesday night Lenten group has led us toward using different communion liturgy for the last few weeks at St. Nicholas. For the Biblical background, read Proverbs chapters 8-9 and the first 4 chapters of 1 Corinthians.

This is also the liturgy I used last Saturday when I presided at the end of a committee meeting for our Annual Conference. (sorry for the Methodist church code!)

This is taken directly from the book Praising God by Ruth C. Duck and Patricia Wilson-Kastner.
Copyright 1999 Westminster John Knox Press.

"An Order of Holy Communion

Wisdom has built her house.
Sophia has set her table.
She invites us to come and eat her bread.
And to live in the way of insight.
Let us give thanks to God, Holy Wisdom.
It is good, it is wise, so to do.
It is indeed a good and joyful thing, only wise God, to praise you, for with you is life.
In wisdom you separated the sea from the dry land, rejoicing in the world, delighting in the human race. In wisdom, you call to us when we are foolish, asking us to learn from you how to turn from death to life. And so, with your whole creation we sing your praise.
Holy, holy, holy, only wise God, the earth is your delight.
Blessed are the wise ones who follow your way. Hosanna, Holy Wisdom.
Holy are you God, source of our life in Jesus your Word, who was with you at the beginning before you created the world, and who became flesh, full of grace and truth.
Jesus set a table for the foolish, the hungry, and the poor, and for all who would live in the way of life. Even at the hour of death, Jesus called his disciples to dine, thanking you for gifts of bread and wine and sharing in Wisdom’s feast. Dying in shame on the cross, Christ became your wisdom and your power, making foolish the wisdom of this world. And so we remember Christ-Sophia in our eating and drinking, and in Christ we choose the way of discipleship, the path of wisdom and of life.
Glory be to the Word made flesh! Glory be to Christ, our Sophia.
Holy One, bestow your Wisdom on us, for she is the Spirit, the breath of your power, who reflects eternal light and renews all things. Through the gift of the Spirit at this Table of love, Pass into our souls and make us your friends who live wisely in your ways.
Glory be to you, Holy Wisdom, Christ-Sophia, Breath of Power, for you are the way and the life! Amen.
God of life, God of power, we thank you for creating the world and calling it good. We praise you for seeking us in love from the beginning of time until now.
Most of all, we thank you that you loved the world so much as to give Jesus the Christ, your beloved child, to save us and set us free. We remember that before he was lifted up on the cross, Jesus washed the feet of those who shared his ministry, shared a meal with them, and told them to love one another that all might be one in you. We gather once more at the table of Jesus, the Living Bread, that we may abide in you and live always in love. All glory and power and honor be unto you,
Heart of Love,
Word of Life,
Spirit of Peace,
one God, forever and ever. Amen."

(from Praising God by Duck and Wilson-Kastner)

thanksgiving with the snow

2011-03-31T22:24:00.003-04:00

As I look out my window at the snow falling over Boston Harbor, I am thankful.
This will most likely be the last snow fall for many months. April is a few hours away.
But I am not thinking about the summer ahead. I am thankful for the New England winter.

This year I have come to realize how much I love the darkness and cold of winter. Waking before the sun makes me feel relaxed. I can see that the day has not begun. There is so much to see in the darkness. Everything in front of me is covered, so I can open my eyes to myself and see all that is inside of me. No agenda. No schedule. No needs or worries. Just me and an unknown world. I love the darkness in winter.

It slows me down at night too. Sooner than I had expected, the world goes to sleep again. It needs to. I need to. The long night lets me know that it is okay to turn down and turn in. In the winter, I'm connected with the earth by the rhythm from the sky.

The relentless cold was too much to bear this year. It was useless to resist it. No thaw. No break. No relief. The only choice was to be cold. And sometimes I did just that. I sat outside and gave myself to the wind. Or I felt the cold in my shoulders and thighs long after I had turned up the heat or put on more layers. When it is cold like this, the best thing to do is let the wind pass you by. Then you can find your warmth.

This present snow has given me one last gift. A meeting was canceled in New Hampshire for tomorrow night because of the forecast. An April meeting canceled before the snow even piles up! I was looking forward to the meeting, but what else can slow us down like this? What else can make me stop?

Seasonal depression is a very real thing that I take seriously. And weather can be physically destructive too. (I lost a Buick and the basement stairs to a storm this season!) But this snow is reminding me that I am blessed by winter, even if it comes in the Spring.

Who knows what will have changed, and what will have not, the next time the snow falls?

Voices of Hope

2011-03-22T21:05:00.003-04:00

At our Tuesday night Lent discussion group tonight we talked about sources of hope in the media: interviewers, T.V. shows, radio programs, bloggers, musicians, meteorologists, columnists, folk singers, broadcasters, etc...

We live in a violence torn world and need to think critically and love fully when it comes to choosing how we tell our stories and to whom we give out attention. We went around the circle and shared what voices give us hope. (Rather than providing links, you can just google any of these...)

Here is our partial list:

Tavis Smiley
Cornel West
Steve LaVeille (WBZ Boston)
Dianne Sawyer
Cooking shows!
The News Hour with Jim Leher
The Daily Show with John Stewart
Ted Talks
Oprah Winfrey
Ellen DeGeneres
On Being with Krista Tippett
On Point Tom Ashbrook
James Carroll of the Boston Globe
The Indigo Girls of Heaven... excuse me, Athens, Georgia
Philip Gulley

I'll invite others to share in the comments below the ones that I forgot or ones that you would like to add.

What voice helps you to "re-imagine" the world and find the strength to re-narrate your story as one of blessing?

The Parable of the Consultant

2011-03-18T11:13:00.002-04:00

There was a landowner who had a vineyard that was not producing at the rate it once did. So he implemented an internal audit.
When the hour came for the stewards to learn about the findings, they were all gathered in one place.
The consultants presented their recommendations and finished by saying "Now we do have a recommendation to evaluate and possibly implement the practice of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Let me be clear, this does create a certain amount of anxiety for some of us and we want to acknowledge that."
When the crowds left, the disciples came close to the teacher and asked, "What does all of this mean."
The teacher responded, "If you who are key stake holders do not understand then how will those who are part of other constituencies? But know this, you do not know the hour when the auditor will come or even the hour when their presentation ends, despite any order of the day. Therefore, keep awake! For those who are not watchful will have their faith stripped clean in the name of streamlining."

The parables and teaching of "stewardship" in the gospel are not about maximizing a financial bottom line.
Stewardship is a matter of salvation. We are held accountable according to our full investment in the world. In Matthew 25: 14-30, those who invested their talents were rewarded because they understood the significance of their challenge, and that their challenge was an opportunity for service and to live out their convictions. They were not rewarded because they made money. And the one who acted out of fear was punished.

When we think that stewardship is about efficiency and finances only, we miss the opportunity to unite our faith, our personal relationships, our ethics, our spirituality and our many stories into our full investment in the world. What a shame if we allow our fear to guide our decisions in the name of "stewardship."

Tuesdays in Lent

2011-03-17T09:19:00.002-04:00

On Tuesday nights a group is gathering at our church to read Trauma and Grace by Serene Jones. Yesterday I was stuck on the runway at Logan and I wrote this poem about our first session together.

Fifteen friends sat in a circle
and talked about a book.

A circle of strangers each spoke their name
and then tried to think of what else to say.

Fifteen is a nice number.
12 plus 3.

That's 12 for the disciples
12 for the tribes of Israel
12 means that everyone is there.

And 3 for the Trinity
3 cheers for God
3 for the One who is always more than we know.

"All of us" and "All of God", together on a Tuesday.

But wait, there weren't 15, there were more.
Let me remember... there were 16.
And don't forget me!
(I count too and so do you)

17 People (and not enough books) sat in the back of their church
on a day so late in winter that some didn't wear coats
and remembered who is included in our vision.

We received permission from God
to speak
and to listen
about the Cross and the Resurrection.
We remembered a new story
and are finding the words to imagine (about BIG and little things).

the death of the last veteran

2011-03-05T23:02:00.003-05:00

This week the last American veteran of World War I died.

I am waiting for the day when the last veteran of any war dies, when war is not even a memory and no one carries the wounds of fighting.

But I'm not sure that day will ever come.

The day of the death of the veteran of the last war will never come
because when war ends, dying will end too.

No one will die in the world to come.

Only death will die. (and be swallowed up in victory)

There won't be any other casualties.

Following at a distance... with Miriam and Peter

2011-03-01T20:12:00.002-05:00

There is an important and subtle similarity between the scenes of baby Moses in his basket on the water and Jesus in custody on his last night before the crucifixion.

First, remember big sister Miriam...
"His sister stood at a distance, to see what would happen to him." Exodus 2:4

And then, Saint Peter...
"But Peter was following him at a distance, as far as the courtyard of the high priest; and going inside, he sat with the guards in order to see how this would end." Matthew 26:58

The common interpretation is that Miriam was being protective as best she was able, while proud foolish Peter had a voyeuristic curiosity that could not look away. In other words, Miriam was faithful while Peter was afraid... but perhaps not.

Perhaps there are times when we can do no more - when we SHOULD do no more - than follow at a distance.
There are battles we cannot win.
There are events we cannot change.
There is pain and suffering we cannot avoid.
There are times we can do no more than watch... a baby brother float down a stream... or God in captivity.
Faith keeps us following at a distance: not standing in the center of the action but with our attention turned to God's will.

Peter ends the 26th chapter of Matthew in tears after hearing the cock crow when he had denied Jesus three times. The common interpretation is that he realized what a coward he was and was ashamed. But perhaps not.

Perhaps his eyes were on Jesus, not himself.
Perhaps he realized that even his faith couldn't save him or Jesus.
Perhaps he didn't cry simply because of what he had done but because he finally realized that Jesus' predictions of his death would come true.
Perhaps that night Peter was the first person to witness the cross.

We are missing something when we only focus on ourselves according to the standards of western introspective psychology at the expense of taking focus off of God. (have you read this book?)

Back off of Peter.
And back out of the center of the story, where you are the hero.
Stand at a distance so that you can put your focus on God.
Stand in the faith not to react, but to see what will happen, how this will end.

To be a disciple is to follow.

Yes, we remember the brave people who acted just when and how they should have: Esther, Daniel and all of our other favorite, exciting stories.
But remember the saints who followed at a distance with Miriam and Peter.

Thinking about retiring?

2011-02-24T09:48:00.010-05:00

So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:34

Because of an overexposure to Masterpiece Theatre and Charles Dickens, I will sometimes adopt an affected air when speaking to my cat. He is a very friendly boy who likes to follow me everywhere.

"Rusty, I shall retire to the front parlor for a cup of tea. Please join me."

"Ah, Rusticus, you will be able to find me at the main dining table where I shall be reflecting on this piece of literature."

"Please excuse me, noble Rustiest of Cats, I must visit a certain room, and will return when I am able..."

I always find some weird way to tell him my intentions, EXCEPT when I go to bed. He gets way too excited about kneading the comforter and sleeping on my face, so when I retire, I sneak off to bed and quickly close the door behind me. Otherwise, he'll keep me up with his circling and purring and prancing.

The last few weeks I've gone to bed a little earlier than I normally do. Though the precise time changes from day to day, I try not to wait until I'm over tired to lay down. I go to bed a little bit before I need to, so that I can actually enjoy the process of falling asleep... without passing out hard or being distracted by the cat.

Every day I plan on retiring. I don't announce it. I don't invite the world along. I try to enjoy retiring as best I'm able, neither reliving the past nor focusing on what is ahead.

It is that time of year again when a new crop of my minister friends are announcing their intentions to retire from years of serving churches. It reminds me of high school when we would say good-bye to the graduating seniors... just think of what they'll accomplish, they have their whole lives in front of them!

Some will sneak off in an attempt to avoid getting covered in fur. Some will pronounce their goals with a theatrical flourish.

As I watch friends retire, I pray that neither reflecting nor preparing will distract them from what time it is in their journey. Tomorrow is another day and right now is an acceptable time.

Jesus and Perfection

2011-02-23T18:50:00.002-05:00

Last Sunday I preached on Leviticus 19 ("You shall be holy, for I, the LORD your God am holy...") and Matthew 5 ("Therefore, you must be perfect as you father in heaven is perfect."). I encouraged the church not to be burnt by perfectionism, but to learn from our struggles how to best balance our lives. (Holiness as wholeness - thank you Joretta Marshall!) I said there is no such thing as a perfect person.

After the service, one of our congregation's best theologians AND students of scripture (how exciting when they go together!), asked me with interest and respect in the receiving line, "Pastor, you didn't say that Jesus wasn't perfect did you?" (Full disclosure: he is also a lawyer.)

BUSTED! I certainly did say that. What I didn't mention in the sermon, but brought up right away in our conversation after church, was Hebrews 2:10-18. Though of course I got the citation wrong... even lawyers whom we love still know how to press us with a question.

We believe that Jesus was tempted by the devil. We believe that Jesus was flesh and blood human.

I think I also believe that Jesus wasn't perfect. He became perfect through his suffering - and by suffering I do not mean being tortured on the cross, I mean his experience and reality as a human. Jesus became perfect through his life. And through his life, we can become perfect too. We do not become perfect through an imitation or attempt at perfection as an ideal. Our salvation comes through our lives: human, full of temptation, full of failure, full of suffering... full of solidarity with Christ.

As is the case for all humans, Jesus' life on earth was grounded in details. This is why our creeds preserve historic information ("Born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate"). His life was not simply a parable. He is exalted because of how he lived: not a perfect life, but a humble life. (Philippians 2:6-9)

For it is clear that he did not come to help angels, but the descendants of Abraham. Therefore he had to become like his brothers and sisters in every respect, so that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make a sacrifice of atonement for the sins of the people . Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested. (Hebrews 2:16-18)

Crisis and Conviction lead to Faith

2011-01-03T21:06:00.003-05:00

Tonight at Bible Study we read chapters 8 and 9 of the Gospel of Matthew... healing story after healing story after healing story.
Of course, very quickly, someone pushed us to an obvious question about relevance: how can MY friends get healed?
We saw again and again in these stories that faith came from people who were pushed by a crisis (an illness, death, a condition, a situation) and conviction about power that can only come from God (sight restored, skinned cleared up, sins forgiven). The healing power of faith is generated in situations of crisis and conviction: we acknowledge that something is very wrong and that the power that is needed to fix it can only come from God. Tonight, it was a gift to be around people who know a crisis when they see it and have conviction that only God can provide the real power to heal. That is where faith is born.
There are plenty of people who couldn't name a crisis if it hit them in the face. These are the ones who stay at a distance and don't realize that we are the very ones Christ came to save. And if someone else needs healing more than us, we can always carry them along too.
And of course there are always times when we think the real salvation comes from a doctor, or a bank, or an employer, or a lover, or an expert, or anyone other than God.
Know when you are in a crisis. Know who has the power to save you.
And then we will learn what our faith will do. Will the medical bill of health be perfect? Will our property not get flooded? Will our friend tell us we are forgiven? Will our reputation be restored? There are many ways that people were healed in the stories we read tonight. Sometimes, the healing that is received is not the healing our prayers ask for.

Gays & Gaze

2010-12-22T23:33:00.003-05:00

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5: 27-28

We read Matthew chapter 5 in Bible Study on Monday night so this verse was fresh on my heart as I caught some of the reaction to the repeal of "don't ask don't tell." In particular, I have been reflecting on the concern that is being raised about gay and straight men showering together.

The concern is a noble one that I take very seriously. We should all be concerned about the objectification and sexualization of others. Jesus understood the violation caused by the gaze.

But my eyes have really been opened by the comparison that has been made to women and men showering together. I've heard it expressed like this (and it shocks me) - if gay men get to watch straight men shower, shouldn't straight men get to watch women shower? This objection makes very clear to me the violation of women's bodies that is constantly happening all around us. This violence against women is a sin that Jesus took very seriously. I don't blame straight men for it, I don't persecute them for it. But I try to take Jesus' warning seriously.

Once again I am reminded that the mistreatment and marginalization of gay and lesbian people is grounded in sexism. When I hear straight men express the fear of being treated by other men the very way they treat women, it becomes perfectly clear to me. Homosexuality is a threat to patriarchy.

Homosexuality is not a risk to the cohesion, unity, effectiveness or readiness of the military. But the discussion around "don't ask don't tell" does reveal some real threats to all of us: inequality, sexism, and relationships based in fear, dominance and oppression.

I thank God for the witness and teaching of Jesus regarding this behavior.

Dominion in life

2010-11-01T06:43:00.002-04:00

The phrase "dominion in life" recently jumped out at me from Romans chapter 5. I googled it just as is, and didn't find anything too interesting. I thought maybe someone would have used it as a title of a manifesto, or title to a renowned sermon, but there was nothing too interesting.
In the Roman passage, Paul writes that just as death is strong in the world because of sin, life is even stronger because of grace.
For some reason it captivated my imagination. There is something about the phrase that resonates with me. I suppose quite simply it is because there are times that I have felt this strength through God.
And of course also, I know what it is like for death to seem really strong too. Sometimes I don't have any hope and it seems like all there is to life is my own failure(s).
"Dominion" is an awfully heroic term. It almost has a comic book character like strength to it. I'm sure it's outside of the spiritual identity of many of us. Even as I come around to putting this on the screen on an early Monday morning, some of the energy that I saw in the phrase last week seems to be gone. But I'm going to keep it close to my heart and see what happens when I live with it.

"If, because of the one man's trespass, death exercised dominion through that one, much more surely will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness exercise dominion in life through the one man, Jesus Christ."
Romans 5: 17

We don't even know what Christ means

2010-09-27T23:04:00.002-04:00

About this we have much to say that is hard to explain, since you have become dull in understanding. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic elements of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food; for everyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is unskilled in the word of righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, for those whose faculties have been trained by practice to distinguish good from evil.
Hebrews, chapter 5, verses 11 - 14

Tonight at Bible Study we continued to read Hebrews and discussed Jesus, the great high priest, chosen from among mortals, appointed by God, who offers gifts and sacrifices for our sins. How does Jesus do all of this? He sympathized with our weakness. He was tested. But he didn't lose faith. He believed. He was without sin.

Jesus was weak and he was tempted, but he did not sin. Because this One who was made perfect by faith, sympathizes with our lives, we have a heavenly calling too that brings us to the throne of grace.

When the author uses the Greek word "sympathizes", we don't know what is meant. To us, to Americans, sympathy is a useless word. It is a cheap gesture. Perhaps we should translate it as "stands in solidarity" so we understand its power. Christ's sympathy for us is powerful. We have forgotten what the ancient word sympathy really means...

Or have we?

Perhaps we don't need to worry about getting the words right. Perhaps it isn't our understanding but our values that keep us from knowing the meaning of the Bible. Maybe sympathy is a weak word and God works through that weakness. Maybe we have to let go of valuing strength and power and learn instead what it is to be weak, to be sympathetic, to be like Christ.

We don't even know what Christ means.

Hidden Hope

2010-09-26T13:09:00.004-04:00

This morning we sang "Thou Hidden Source of Calm Repose" by Charles Wesley, a reminder that our safety is hidden in God. The gospel lesson was Luke chapter sixteen, verses nine through thirty-one: the story of Lazarus and the rich man. From Hebrew scripture we read from Jeremiah thirty-two about the prophet's purchase of his ancestral homestead even though he was in prison and knew Babylon was ready to destroy Judah. The sermon title was "Home is where the hope is". You can probably fill in the details from there...

Sometimes we ourselves cannot see how God is holding us close to the bosom of Abraham.

It is a paradox that the eyes of our heart can see what our bodies cannot comprehend. We confess a faith that is not yet fully revealed.

Charles Wesley wrote the following about God, the hidden source of calm repose:

In want my plentiful supply,
in weakness my almighty power,
in bonds my perfect liberty,
my light in Satan's darkest hour,
in grief my joy unspeakable,
my life in death,
my heaven in hell.

I pray that these stories and these words will bring hope to those who are without a home. God's way is hidden, only our hearts can claim the promise.

one in the spirit, one in the body

2010-09-24T08:46:00.003-04:00

Since, therefore, the children share flesh and blood, he himself likewise shared the same things, so that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death.
Hebrews 2:14-15

Much has been going on in my life and at St. Nicholas since the last entry.
Our Monday night Bible Study has begun reading the letter to the Hebrews. So far, we have gotten through chapter 4, verse 13.

One of the most important topics so far has been the incarnation. The incarnation is the concept that God entered into a human body - "became flesh" - in a person named Jesus. Because God shared life with us through the life of Jesus, we share life with God through the death of Jesus.

God's power is known in how Jesus walked among us. But God's power is also shown in how we are thus given "a heavenly calling" (Hebrews 3:1) and can live our lives with God. We can even participate in God's very existence. We are united with God and with each other in Christ.

...Now I'm all excited for Monday night and to get back to discussing Hebrews. But of course, the point of our study is not just to get our noses in the Bible. We want to be freed to live out this heavenly calling at all times - even today.

"...exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today,' so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end. Hebrews 3:13-14

Looking at the end of summer

2010-08-31T07:44:00.003-04:00

Woe is me! For I have become like one who,
after the summer fruit has been gathered,
after the vintage has been gleaned,
finds no cluster to eat;
there is no first-ripe fig for which I hunger.
Micah 7:1

A yellow school bus just drove down my street. It was packed with kids. The summer is over.

Like it was planned, last night at Bible Study we read chapter 7 of Micah and thus concluded our study. The summer is over. (No, not officially. But the start of a school year is an important marker.)

Micah stood at the end of summer, at the end of the harvest, and found nothing to eat, nothing to take, nothing to keep him strong. The fields were picked empty. The trees were bare. The produce was gone. There was nothing to sustain him, nothing ahead, nothing to look forward to. His world was destroyed.

(I'm not trying to push the begining of the school year metaphor here - that was just a happy coincidence...)

At times of ruin, in places of destruction, there is nothing promising to anticipate. At times there is no hope. All we have to wait for is the end. The sentinels of the city watch for it to all be over.

The day of their sentinels,
of their punishment has come;
now their confusion is at hand...
Micah 7:4b

But even at a time like this (or perhaps, ESPECIALLY at a time like this), the eyes of the faithful are set on God.

But as for me, I will look to the Lord,
I will wait for the God of my salvation,
God will hear me.
Micah 7:7

When the watchers of the world wait for ruin, the sentinels of the soul seek salvation.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than those who watch for the morning,
more than those who watch of the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6

From my front porch each morning, I see that the sun is rising later and later. No matter how long we wait, we wait for redemption and God's saving presence.
Though the world weeps, the spirit hopes.

the doctor will now see you

2010-08-23T08:54:00.007-04:00

In preparation for an upcoming healing service I'm taking part in, I've been reflecting on healing and illness. I've realized again how judgmental I can be about prayer requests for healing in church. Sometimes pastors feel like people only come to church because they are in pain and no one has any thanksgiving for God. Hector Avalos reminds us that this was certainly true for Jesus! People came because they were sick, not because they were intentionally seeking the kingdom. God did that in the midst of their illness.

On a further note about Avalos, I love how he says that passages like yesterday's gospel reading (Luke 13:10-17) shows Jesus' critique of the broken health care system of his time. This woman's operation had not been approved yet. She would have to wait... But Jesus thought she had waited long enough.

People sometimes tell me that I haven't suffered long enough and I just need to wait a little longer. Much like the leader of the synagogue, these are normally religious people too.

Don't push it.
The time is not right.
You need to wait more.
If you're confrontational and don't have patience, you'll ruin the chance for change.

I've had enough of these voices. Jesus has already set me free. I don't need to wait any longer.

singing with the garden

2010-08-12T07:22:00.005-04:00

Let me sing for my beloved
my love-song concerning his vineyard:
My beloved had a vineyard
on a very fertile hill.
He dug it and cleared it of stones,
and planted it with choice vines;
he built a watchtower in the midst of it,
and hewed out a wine vat in it;
he expected it to yield grapes,
but it yielded wild grapes.

Isaiah 5: 1-2

On Sunday we will read "The Vineyard Love Song" from Isaiah. For the offertory, I am going to play a clip from youtube of Pete Seeger singing "the garden song." But I am tempted to show this clip of John Denver and the Muppets.

My favorite part of this clip is how the garden literally sings along with the singer. A prayerful way of life is not a solo we perform on our own. Living in love is not even a duet that we share with God or any other one, singular lover. Love is a chorus. The earth is a part of this song. God is in our love if it is true.

Even in unfaithfulness and failure (and I understand that Isaiah 5 is not necessarily appropriate content for puppets and children's television!), we are in chorus with creation, our creatures and the creator. We are accountable and responsible for how the garden grows, for how the music is sung.

........

Additionally, I have always been moved by the words, "someone bless these seeds I sow, someone warm them from below."

Asking for blessings from below from "someone" seems to me to be appropriately mysterious and respectful of God's secret presence. Perhaps we know who God is, perhaps we do not. Perhaps God cannot be named. Perhaps God is not only above and beyond us in heaven but is even at work "from below..."

In the people who are forgotten...
In the land that has been devastated...
In the soil...
In the work that happens in the garden long before fruit grows on the vine...
In the nutrients that touch the roots...
In the nameless voices of a chorus much bigger than you or me or our love...

Learning to wait & Becoming children again - a variation on yesterday's sermon

2010-08-09T07:13:00.004-04:00

(this is part of a piece of yesterday's sermon shoved like a sardine into the space of a blog post - if you want, I can send you the whole thing)

But know this: if the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour.
Luke 12: 35 - 40

Luke Timothy Johnson writes the following about this passage in his commentary on Luke, "All Christian existence therefore stands within an expectation. Its fulfillment may be sure, but its timing is unknown... The reality of the judgment, we learn, is not simply temporal but existential."
Christians live in a state of readiness, always expecting Jesus among us and always looking for God's presence. We expect God to find us and live with us. We know what is going to happen, but we don't know when.

This last week I was a counselor for Middle School Camp. We played the game Sardines a few times. In any game of Sardines, eventually we all end up crammed into the same space together. This is a game where we know what is going to happen, but we don't know when.

And in addition to being squished, another inevitability of this game is scaring each other along the way - especially when played in the dark, in a mansion, with middle schoolers. I exploited their fear for everything it was worth. It only took one or two times leaping out at kids before fear just worked its charm. Soon every vase looked like a creeping burglar and every plant seemed to be hiding a stalker.

I don't think Jesus was trying to terrify his disciples when he told the parable above. He didn't have to scare them because fear was already working its charm. Life is scary enough without religion. It only takes some experience in this world before you are suspicious of much more than you have to be. Soon everything looks potentially dangerous and ominous...

On our last game of Sardines, I was the last person to find the hiding person. Everyone else was already squashed under furniture by the time I found them. Since it had been so long since I saw anyone, I had known that I was the last one. Rather than fight the inevitable, I just found a place on the floor, right in front of a big picture window looking out on the lake and lay down.

It was about ten minutes before we realized the game was over. We sat there - silently - just breathing and being still. It was the best part of the game...

Perhaps the game is already over. Perhaps the challenge has already been met. We are safe. All is well. God is with us.

Rather than waiting for a time on the calendar, we can live right now with the expectation of reunion with God. There is no hiding place that will shield us from God.
We know what is going to happen, we just don't know when.

I pray we realize that we don't need to walk alone anymore. God is already with us.

Amen.

Letter to Myself - A Report from Middle School Camp

2010-08-05T10:50:00.002-04:00

This morning we wrote short letters to ourselves that will be mailed in early 2011. Our goal is to remember where we are right now, at our last day of camp together.

I am immediately reminded of Peter's suggestion that tents be built for Moses and Elijah and Jesus after the transfiguration. You can't stay on the mountaintop forever. (Luke 9:33)

But you should remember that you've been there.

Of course we take pictures all the time. Especially these days when everyone is a cinematographer with video cameras built into our cell phones, it is easy to grab a piece of the present to take into the future.

But in fact, no matter what technology we have to help us, our bodies will always remember. We smell something that reminds of an event. We taste a food that returns us to a certain scene. We catch a moment of a song and remember a special time when we heard it.

It isn't just out bodies, it is also our souls that can remember. There is a built in anxiety of youth ministry that asks, "will they keep it?", "will these seeds grow deep, healthy roots?", "have we done everything we can to keep these kids safe and growing their whole lives long?"

But there is no photograph or letter or craft project that can keep faith alive - or help it to grow in the future. The soul remembers. God is there. That's all we need.

Around the Circle - A Report from Middle School Camp

2010-08-05T00:29:00.003-04:00

Kum ba yah is still being sung around camp fires... and it will be for a long time to come.

There were tears tonight at our last fire. We go home tomorrow afternoon.

In our first camp orientation on Sunday night, the campers were shocked to learn that we wouldn't be having a dance on the last night as they have in the past. They brought fancy clothes and everything. So tonight they were all dressed up as we sang and prayed around the fire. But mostly, we were silent. I can't believe how quiet we were for so long. It was amazing.

This camp has been run by the same team of counselors for about ten years. Their incredible skills are completely evident in the love the campers have for each other and them. A few of these former counselors grew up at the same church I did and are about 10 or 15 years older than me. Honestly, I've never really known them but I've always sort of been following in their footsteps. My Sunday School teachers talked about them when I was a kid and now the kids I minister to still talk about them. It's a special relationship I have with these shadowy disciples.

The other counselors and I have laughed over how in some sense the campers are so much like adult Methodist church - types. "We've ALWAYS done it this way!" When we ask if they like it, the say, "No, not particularly, but we like THAT we've done it, even if we don't like HOW we've done it."

As I hope you can tell from these posts, the campers have taught me even more than I had hoped. And I had high expectations. Saying good-bye will be tough. But I think I'll be back to camp next year.

Different/Same - A Report from Middle School Camp

2010-08-04T14:11:00.002-04:00

We had a conversation about diversity this morning and then took a nature walk. We were looking for things that were the same and things that were different all around us.

It was an overcast, grey morning. The sky was the same color as the lake.

But because the summer has been so dry, the grass was scorched and many shades of yellow, brown and green.

The sky and the water are different things that were the same color.
The grass is one thing that is different colors.

Things that are different can be the same.
Things that are the same can be different.

It's true in nature and it's true with people.

Things that we think are different are sometimes the same.
Things that we think are the same are sometimes different.

And then of course, the clouds can break, rain can fall, and things can change.

Hidding Ourselves - A Report from Middle School Camp

2010-08-03T22:58:00.002-04:00

"So David hid himself in the field..." 1 Samuel 20: 24

We played sardines tonight at the conference center. Three rounds. By the last round we really had our skills together. No flashlights, almost no talking. It was intense.

As I crouched between two silent people for a good thirty minutes, I thought of David from yesterday's Bible story about friendship - the story of Jonathan protecting his friend David and helping him find a place to hide.

This is more than a little ridiculous I know. But it's middle school camp. It's okay to be more than a little ridiculous.

Thinking about the Bible story while playing Sardines does make me wander how these seeds are being planted here at camp. Who knows when these stories, these lessons, these experiences will come to fruition? Maybe when we least expect it, a story that we have told or a question that we have asked will come to mind and grow.

Who knows when and how the things that are planted today will grow in the future?

The Meaning of the Cross - A Report from Middle School Camp

2010-08-03T13:36:00.003-04:00

We made crosses out of materials we found in nature. Our inspiration was this book.
The finished projects were simple and stunning... sorry I don't have an pics to post.

But the really great part of this exercise was our group discussion about what the cross means to us. We counselors were a little reluctant to open this can of worms because of other experiences of getting bogged down in debates and technical minutia of how salvation works and why we need to believe in the correct way. But in the end, our faith easily won out that the cross is too important to not have conversation about.

It was as good as you can imagine.

We heard many classic statements of faith - Jesus as sacrifice - Jesus' covering and claiming our sins through his death - God redeeming death - Jesus making our salvation possible.

We also heard some new ideas. The one that sticks out the most to me is that the cross moves in many directions; up, down and side to side. When we stand at the center of cross, when we are centered in Jesus, God can take us wherever we need to go because the cross is not a "one-way" train. God uses it in different ways for different people depending on what we need to learn and what we need to see.

Some people were shocked by the cross because it is a symbol of death and pain.

Other people were amazed how God transformed this symbol of death into a symbol of life.

For some of us the cross is a mystery that has no final answers but invites us to wonder.

For others of us the cross is inspiring to live our lives like Jesus.

One person told us that we shouldn't forget that there was more to Jesus' life than his death. If we forget his teachings, his lessons and his miracles then we are forgetting who he really was. And the girl who told us this, preached Jesus' life to us, least any of us were prone to forgetfulness.

Someone said that they are impressed when classmates at public school wear cross jewelery because so many Christians seem to leave their faith at church on Sunday morning...

The conversation went twice as long as we had planned and we went to dinner late because the campers wanted to keep talking.

I hope the energy, passion and respect that marked this conversation continue well after we end together on Thursday. I have a feeling they will.

Back at the ranch...

2010-08-02T23:41:00.003-04:00

Bible Study went on at St. Nicholas without me tonight. (I'm at Rolling Ridge leading middle school camp.)

I prepared the following study guide for Bible Study. I hope it helps you explore the third chapter of Micah...

Begin with prayer.

Before you read Chapter 3:

Take a few moments to scan through the first two chapters of Micah. The third chapter relates to the first two because of its emphasis on judgment. Sometimes all three chapters are known collectively as “The Book of Doom.” What themes do you see in the first two chapters that we’ve discussed?
In the first two chapters, can you find examples of…
who Micah is addressing? (the regular 'people in the pews' or someone special?)
where Micah is from? (is it a big city, an important place?)
what sort of practices Micah is condemning? (just bad stuff or something specific?)
people who are opposed to the judgment Micah is bringing? (powerful people? religious people?)
the hope of restoration after God’s judgment? (any hope in chapters 1 & 2?)

Does what you see in the first two chapters remind you of any other stories in the Bible or other themes in the Bible? If so, what and where are they?

Read Chapter 3, verses 1 through 4 out loud from more than one translation. What similarities and differences do you hear in the different translations?

Who is this warning specifically addressed to? What segment of the population and where?

Compare the image of cannibalism in verses 2 and 3 with Ezekiel 11.5 – 12 and 24: 1 – 4.

Do you find the comparison of injustice with cannibalism extreme? relevant? symbolic? effective?

Reflecting on this cannibal imagery and given what Micah believes about the non-human natural world (i.e. it is all connected part of God’s creation, recall the summons to the “earth, and all that is in it” in 1:2), why are you not all vegetarians?

On the theme that all creation is connected through the fact that God made it, compare Psalm 97, which we read yesterday in worship. Notice the ways that social justice and respect for the created order are complimentary. Discuss how one cannot exist without the other. Why do you think that in Micah, the Lord makes his appeal for social justice to inanimate, non-human objects?

Read verses 5 through 8. Share different translations.
Read it again.

Notice that the false prophets (“who cry ‘Peace’ when they have something to eat, but declare war against those who put nothing into their mouths”) are denied the gift of experiencing God through the gifts of the created world. (The sun goes down, it is dark for them.)
Can you be a true prophet, God’s prophet,
if you do not notice nature for what it is
the world for what it is
if you do not observe, comment and critique?
Inspiration does not just come through dreams in the night, it also comes from experiencing truth in the light of day. Micah is not so much a dream visionary as someone who actually noticed what was going on in his world. Injustice is as clear as the light of day. Although evil is planned under the cover of darkness and in secret thoughts, it is executed in social settings where all can see it (compare 2:1). Micah isn’t necessarily astute, he’s just honest.

In verse 8, Micah claims his power as a prophet with remarkable confidence – God is with him. We see this in 7:7 and 1:1 too. He draws his strength from his personal knowledge of God and nothing else.
Read Amos in his showdown with Amaziah in Amos 7: 12 – 17.
Read Nathan's confrontation with David in 2Samuel 12 1 – 15.

All we know about Micah is that he was from the boonies.
We know that Amos didn’t have the proper I.D. to be a prophet either.
Nathan was a prophet of the court but he used that office to tell the truth to the King’s face about the King’s sexual sins. This is not a good way to get a promotion.

How does the profile of a prophet as the one who is aware of the Spirit compare with the popular image of a prophet as a fortune teller? What is a Biblical prophet?

Read verses 9 – 12 in multiple translations.

Notice again, specifically, who these words are spoken to.

Does calling on God help the rulers, priests and prophets? Why not? Is belief in God enough for salvation and safety?

If prayer and false piety don’t help them, what does make for right relationship with God?

What does the Lord require of us?

Friendship Bracelets - A Report from Camp

2010-08-02T23:26:00.002-04:00

We made friendship bracelets today and later around the campfire each of the thirteen campers gave them to someone else and said something they appreciate about them.

A young girl tied a pink and green yarn braided bracelet around my wrist and said, "I'm glad you came to camp. If you hadn't, you would have disappointed thirteen people. That's a lot of people and a lot of responsibility."

I think that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.

Lying for a friend - a Report from Middle School Camp

2010-08-02T13:42:00.002-04:00

I am at camp! Last night I arrived at Rolling Ridge to help lead camp for thirteen middle school students. Today's scripture lesson is 1 Samuel 20 - a story about Jonathan taking a risk to save his best friend David. Our theme for the day is friendship.

We read the story, which is too long to copy here, about Jonathan and David creating a secret plan to find out if King Saul wants David dead or not. Of course, Saul does want to kill David. So Jonathan and David make a secret plan to protect him and get him to safety.

In our conversation we had awesome interaction from the campers that led us into some very deep waters around lying... Was it part of "God's plan" for Jonathan to lie to his father? When is lying "the right thing to do?" Is bad behavior ever justified?

I am way impressed by the campers' ability to ask substantial questions, say what they believe, respectfully disagree, and basically interact with each other, scripture and faith in a totally unselfconscious way. It was exciting and rather beautiful.

We moved quickly from saying simple things like "friends are nice to each other" to conversation like "when does friendship mean you have to reevaluate right and wrong for the sake of someone you care about"?

If middle school isn't the right time to ask questions like this, I don't know when is.

Chosen how? Chosen why?

2010-07-29T07:44:00.003-04:00

I've been praying with A Guide to Prayer for the first time in a few years the last few days. This week I am praying Psalm 105 every morning. Verse 12 through 15 address a topic that has come up in Bible Study recently. It tells how and why Israel was chosen and how they were given the land...

When they were few in number,
of little account, and strangers in it,
wandering from nation to nation,
from one kingdom to another people,
he allowed no one to oppress them;
he rebuked kings on their account,
saying, "Do not touch my anointed ones;
do my prophets no harm."

The has often been asked, why did God chose Israel? Does that mean that God hates all of the other countries?
This question is often asked in a defensive way by uber-patriotic Americans. Behind the question is the unspoken assumption I thought that God chose America. Who does God want to be more powerful, the U.S.A. or the modern state of Israel? To be blunt, I do not believe that Psalm 105 is about the modern nation state of Israel.

God "chose" the children of Israel. But chosen how? Chosen why?

God chose the children of Israel because they were few in number and of little account. Today God chooses the minority, the small, the weak, the poor, the outcast and the vulnerable.

God chose the children of Israel because they were strangers, wandering, without a homeland and vulnerable to oppression. Today God chooses strangers, who are wandering, without a homeland and who are vulnerable to oppression.

God chose the children of Israel because they were poor and at risk. Today, God chooses the poor and those who are at risk.

God chose the children of Israel because they did not have a king. Today, God chooses the ones who do not have a king, who do not put a flag before justice, who are persecuted by powerful nation states.

God chose the children of Israel. And God is faithful to the covenant today.

To read the story of Israel and to think that God chose them so that they could kill and destroy and oppress and be powerful is to miss the point of the story. God chose Israel because they were weak. God protected them. God provided for them. God defended them.

God is mindful of his covenant forever,
of the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations,
the covenant that he made with Abraham,
his sworn promise to Isaac,
which he confirmed to Jacob as a statute,
to Israel as an everlasting covenant...

God chooses the poor, the weak, the forgotten who are oppressed by the powerful nations. And God is faithful to that covenant.

And that is much more threatening than God merely choosing another country.

A Concrete Practice to Hold Our Suffering

2010-07-22T07:29:00.004-04:00

The last few days of my life have been blessed with a book by Serene Jones titled, Trauma and Grace. It is a collection of essays that use insight from trauma therapy to explore Christianity. I am learning and I am living with God with the help of Serene Jones' inspired writing.

I want to share one insight that she gave me because it connects with the spirituality group that is meeting tonight at St. Nicholas.

(and when I was thinking what to blog about I just opened the book at random and this was the first thing I saw)

She tells the story of a young girl in New Haven, CT who witnessed a murder and then agreed to testify in court about what she saw.

Trauma.

A group of women in the church where both the young person and author attended decided to meet regularly to pray the holy Psalms together.

Grace.

Serene Jones offered them a resource to guide them in their prayers, John Calvin's Commentary on Psalms. (A surprising choice because it is 450 years old and five volumes long) But the book was a blessing. There were no easy answers. In fact, the young girl and her family had to move away eventually because they were not able to continue living so close to where the tragedy happened. But the church, the young girl, the women who prayed, Serene Jones and others all learned and lived with God through the process.

The sentences I want to share are from page 52 and describe part of why John Calvin, of all people, offers such spiritual guidance.

... Calvin offers no trivial answer, no easy fixes, and no abstract platitudes. Like the psalmist, he refuses to blithely tell readers that their faith will carry them through hard times if they just believe strongly enough, or that God has preordained their persecution and they should therefore endure it patiently. Even more important, he does not glorify their suffering or suggest that their mental anguish is a a test designed by God to measure the depth of their piety. Rather, he enters into the depths of their traumatic anguish: instead of explaining why they are suffering, he offers them a concrete "practice" to hold their suffering... The practice[...]he offers is deceptively simple[...]prayer.

Prayer is "a concrete practice that can hold [our] suffering." Prayer like the psalms helps us be aware of grace in a time of trauma.
It can come from 16th century Europe.
It can come from ancient Israel.
It can come from inner city New Haven.
It can come from you.
It can come from me.
It can come through the inspired writings of Serene Jones.

God receives the prayer that is on your heart today, whatever it may be.

How The Prophet Sees It

2010-07-20T07:04:00.004-04:00

Hear, you people, all of you;
listen, O earth, and all that is in it...
Micah 1:2a

Last night at Bible Study we began the Book of Micah and realized that it isn't Micah's book at all. It is God's.

In fact, it is all God's. According to how the prophet sees it, everything is God's. That is why in the very opening words the prophet calls the attention of ALL people and ALL the earth (that is the non-human parts too). God's word is not just for the religious types. It is not just for the people who identify themselves with God. It is not just for people. Psalm 24 reminds us that "the earth is the Lord's and all that is in it / the world, and those who who live in it."

For Micah, this totality of God's reign is not just an interesting idea that we have to believe. According to how the prophet sees it, the fact of God's universal authority means that our actions and behavior have significance for the entire world too. Micah doesn't call us to justice simply because economics is an important issue. Micah calls us to justice because of who God is and how God created the world. Our injustice is a violation of God's authority and denies how the world is meant to be ordered.

According to how the prophet sees it, justice is not simply one part of our behavior that Micah happens to be passionate about. Justice is a reflection of God's role as Creator. When our social lives are corrupt we are denying God's role as our Creator and Judge. When our relationship to the mountains, rivers and stones is out of order, so too is our relationship to God. Micah's isn't just addressing one issue among many that could have been chosen. Micah is speaking to the very fact of who God is and how the world was created.

Justice has universal consequences that inform our understanding of God and our place in creation. The prophet sees this.

Sometimes we speak of someone being "prophetic" when we mean they are passionate or loud or committed to one particular thing, as in "She's a real prophet when it comes to the death penalty." But a real prophet is not called to work on some isolated topic. A real prophet has only one issue - God. From our relationship to God, we are called to see that God is the Creator of all. The prophet sees this relationship, this cause, this connection in everything.

Micah didn't just speak to Samaria and Jerusalem and the economics and rituals of that day. Micah speaks to us all because Micah speaks of God.

"Not becoming for a woman..."

2010-07-18T20:47:00.004-04:00

Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home.She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying.But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me."
But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10: 38-42

Anat Hoffman was arrested on Monday for carrying the Torah on her way to prayer. That is something only men can do by law.

I have read some of the criticisms of her and they sound like the sort of things that might have been said to Mary...
Is this about your faith or your politics?
Do you really even care about God or is this just about your own agenda?
We don't care if you listen to Jesus, but can't you hear from the kitchen?
Why do you have to be so "in your face" and public?

I believe that both Mary and Anat have chosen the better part.

I pray for Women of the Wall and all who seek God in the face of discrimination. (Learn more about Women of the Wall by clicking here)

God shows no partiality.

Why do we have to be told?

2010-07-16T21:52:00.002-04:00

The ox knows its owner,
and the donkey its master's crib;
but Israel does not know,
my people do not understand.
Isaiah 1:3

On Monday night we start reading Micah in Bible Study. When God first steps out of the temple in the third verse of the book, the very world itself reacts. Mountains melt. Valleys burst. Water pours. Creation responds to its Creator.

That is, all except one part of creation responds...
Human hearts aren't changed. For some reason we have to be told. We have to hear it. We need words. We need prophets.
The ox knows and so does the donkey. Mountains react to God and the earth knows who made it. But people do not. People do not understand. Our hearts can be more rigid than mountains. Our spirit can be more obstinate than the ocean. We live our lives more self contained than any ecosystem.
We need the word of the Lord.

I wonder why we have to be told. Why don't we know? When did we learn to ignore God? Why do we not know how to pray? Why did we eat from the tree of knowledge that leads to death?

Is it like this for the houseplants?
Do the horses need salvation?
Does the water thirst for God?

Sometimes I feel very important that Jesus became a PERSON. God was incarnate in HUMAN life. His life was a lot more like mine then like a radish, or a star, or a cow.

But maybe it is because I need it more.
Maybe God has chosen us because we do not understand.

Maybe it is time for us to start unlearning who we think we are.

Responding with silence

2010-07-16T08:43:00.002-04:00

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be moved,
but abides forever.
Psalm 125, verse 1

Last night at our Thursday night spirituality group we shared some long meditative prayers. We pictured our distractions, whatever keep us from communicating with God. We recognized them, named them, pictured them and tried to acknowledge them (but we didn't talk about them...)

Then we responded with silence.

God is in that silence. God is in our silence. God is in us.
We do not need to be frustrated, or resentful, or distracted. Of course, we often are.

But God is still with us.

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be moved,
but abides forever.

53%

2010-07-09T08:41:00.002-04:00

Fifty-three percent.
53%.

That was the deciding factor in the Presbyterian Church's General Assembly vote yesterday to make their standards for ordination more inclusive. It seems that whether or not someone is GLBT won't be as decisive a factor in whether or not someone becomes a Presbyterian minister.

The other side of the vote - 46%. These margins have been narrowing. Now they have tipped.

I rejoice that they took the step they did. I celebrate like you can't believe that the Presbyterian Church has joined the UCC, the Lutherans and the Episcopalians in scrapping hetero-sexist policies in favor of a more welcoming way.

I grieve that my United Methodist Church is left on the side of discrimination along with the Roman Catholic Church, Southern Baptists and Mormons.

These are exciting times to be an advocate for the full inclusion of GLBT people in the church. How long before the UMC starts taking big steps too? 2012? 2016? Who can say?

Presbyterian Church U.S.A. and Civil Unions

2010-07-06T22:14:00.004-04:00

In 2008 I was a delegate to General Conference of the United Methodist Church, the top legislative body of my denomination. It meets every four years. But the Presbyterian Church has the Methodists beat: their top legislative body (General Assembly) meets every other year.

They are in session right now. A committee report will soon come before the body that recommends approving civil unions. The committee passed it 47 to eight. Read a brief story about it here.

I am of course reminded of when the committee I was on in 2008 recommended to the General Conference of the United Methodist Church that we move beyond the most hateful words in our church's polity - "the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching." We crafted a beautiful statement that respected differences of opinion and stated the truth - Christians with differing opinions were all seeking a faithful witness. It passed in the small committee and then failed to pass the larger body. In my opinion, it failed to even be honestly considered.

I pray the Presbyterian Church affirms civil unions.

When Spirituality Falls Flat...

2010-07-02T20:59:00.002-04:00

One of the opening questions/ice breaker topics at our Soul Feast group on Thursday night was "when did something that was supposed to be spiritual just fall flat on its face for you?"

Or, "what was a bad spiritual experience?"

Lots of conversation in small groups and then with all of us followed.

A few snippets include...

Inauthentic emotional manipulation (e.g. worship experiences that were looking for a certain feeling but didn't communicate their intended point)

Age inappropriate content (e.g. asking five year old to contemplate mortal sin)

Seasons of spiritual emptiness (sometimes it is no one thing at all that leaves us empty, but it seems like everything is off pitch)

Theological confusion (Not every topic is personally meaningful to everyone at all times. Sometimes, for what ever reason, we just aren't connecting.)

I appreciate the participants' gentleness on their pastor and resisting the urge to name particular sermons that I've preached that left them lost in the Spirit...

Our attempts to be more spiritual, more aware of God, more grounded in something more than ourselves, come from many sources... even our missteps or confusion or emptiness. The Gospel of Mark says that Jesus was driven into the wilderness, a place of temptation and searching, by none other than the Spirit. ("And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness." Mark 1:12)

I hope this exercise - whether we shared it on Thursday night or now through this devotion - can encourage us to remember that God acts in mysterious ways. Perhaps even our places of emptiness, or despair, or feeling of spiritual failure, can play a helpful part in our journey with God.

Thursday Nights in the Summer

2010-07-01T22:17:00.002-04:00

Tonight at St. Nicholas we had our first meeting discussing Soul Feast by Marjorie Thompson.

I have many hopes for this class - probably too many.

Tonight I am praying for openness to the Spirit.

Here are some words -
Spirit of God, move me and move me.
Take me on our journey so that you and I can move together.
Spirit of God, take us beyond ourselves
closer to each other
and always close to you.

Amen.

Katalyst

2010-06-25T21:49:00.002-04:00

"Katalyst" is the name of the semi-annual newsletter sent out by the Reconciling Ministries Network, a non-profit that works to create welcome in the United Methodist Church for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and other people.
To download a PDF version of Katalyst, click here.

My copy arrived in the mail today.

I read it.

I cried.

I prayed.

I made a donation to Reconciling Ministries online.

Even if you don't do the first two things I did upon receiving my copy, PLEASE DO THE LAST TWO!

Thanks be to God for the Reconciling Ministries Network.
Amen.

No one greater

2010-06-24T07:30:00.004-04:00

(WARNING: I am still reading Christ the Key by Kathryn Tanner. If you are allergic to theology, I apologize.)

"I tell you, among those born of women no one is greater than John; yet the least in the kingdom of God is greater than he." Luke 7: 28

Today is John the Baptist's birthday - or so his facebook notification says. Following the words of Jesus quoted above, some people say that he is the greatest person to ever live. There is none greater.

Jesus of course doesn't count. (Now there's an odd sentence!) Although Jesus was a person, he is also the incarnation of God's very self and so qualitative comparisons with other people just don't make sense. It would be as strange as comparing Jesus with the Holy Spirit and trying to say which is greater. God is God, there is no qualitative comparison to make. John the Baptist is not God, there is no qualitative comparison to make.

But Jesus also said that "the least in the kingdom of God is greater than [John the Baptist]."

"In the kingdom of God", we will no longer be the people we once were. When we come into our eternal life in God's presence, there is no qualitative comparison to make. One day, 'when we all get to heaven', there will be nothing to compare to the life we will then live.

John the Baptist shows us what is possible for our lives here and now. We can preach, we can wait, we can expect, we can believe, we can be great.

But John the Baptist also shows what will be possible for our lives to come. Because of Jesus, the one for whom John the Baptist prepared us, a new life will be possible and even our imagination can not prepare us for what is to come.

There was no one greater than John the Baptist. But since the glorification of Jesus, no one person is greater than what we all become through Christ.

Happy Birthday John the Baptist! And a happy new life to us all.

We all rise to this greatest through Jesus. John told us. And now we can live it.

but you CAN get out of it

2010-06-14T23:33:00.001-04:00

The lyric is -
"I'm not afraid of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company"

This is not scripture. It's by Bono and The Edge.

Sometimes music is so good and words are... well just enjoy the video.

Christ did not Conform

2010-06-09T07:30:00.003-04:00

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God - what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans, Chapter 12, verse 2

On Thursday nights at 7:30 in July and August we are going to read and work through a book by Marjorie Thompson titled Soul Feast. Our goal will be to learn by doing, not just reading. In her words, our emphasis will be on formation not information.

I've been diving in to the book in the last few days and I'm excited to work through it with the group. In small group studies we've worked on The Artist's Way, Three Simple Rules and Julian of Norwich's Divine Revelations of Love. This next experience should be just as wonderful.

But last night I couldn't get over the difference between the words "conform" and "transform." It seemed the author was using them interchangeably.

I don't think Christ "conformed" in any sense of the word. He transformed. He transformed his life and others' lives. He didn't even "conform" to our understanding of God. "Though he was in the form of God, [he] did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave..." (Philippians 1:6ff)

I wonder if this distinction will prove to be important for me and other members of the group as we learn together.

Am I meant to conform to the image of Christ? That doesn't feel right to me. I think that God can transform my life into something different from any form I can image or even one that has been made before.

Let it happen

2010-06-08T07:37:00.002-04:00

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

How many times have we heard these words?

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

More than I can remember...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

Easier said than done...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

Is it even possible?

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

How can I make that happen?

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

I can't make it happen...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

Just let it happen...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

Do not worry...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

Let mistakes happen...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

I am free to "get it wrong"...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

God will see us through...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

God will see us through...

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus...

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T20:56:00.004-04:00

I was invited to participate in the Memorial Day ceremony in Hull. What a wonderful experience. Here is my reflection followed by a prayer that I adapted from The United Methodist Book of Worship.

Since last Memorial Day I have presided over quite a few funerals; although some of the departed were Veterans, none were casualties of war. Meeting with the surviving family of the departed to prepare for a memorial service is among the greatest honors of my life. Sometimes it is a very short meeting on completely unexpected terms, sometimes it is a very long process that takes place over the course of an extended illness. We always cry. We always laugh. The grief is unbearable but so is the gratitude. I am awed that God has called me to be with people at times like this.

Today is the Memorial Service for our country as a whole when all of us gather to hear stories, bear witness and show respect for fallen dead. In some homes, today is a time to relax. In others, it is a time to mourn. For all of us, it is a time of gratitude. I am awed that God has called us as a nation to be with one another at times like this.

At times like this, we share the special gift of mourning together. We share the special gift of celebrating together. We share the special gift of standing at the gates of eternity and affirming our love and thankfulness. To all who are mourning the life of a loved one, we mourn with you, we celebrate with you and we are thankful with you. Sometimes these expressions are not enough. But for now they are all we have.

As a pastor, I get to be with people at the most important times of their life: those are funerals, weddings, new births, and holidays. But I also get to be with people at the most mundane moments of their lives: that is every week on Sunday morning. When we care for each, we are there for each other – whether it is a day when we decorate the cemetery with flags or those days when it doesn’t seem that anyone remembers and recognizes what sacrifice means. Today is a beautiful day to honor the relationship we share as neighbors among all who call the United States home.

Let us learn how to express gratitude, how to die in service, and how to remember what others have given for us, when we gather together today.
Thank you.

Almighty God, before you stand the living and the dead. We your children, whose mortal life is but the blinking of an eye give thanks for those through whom you have blessed our pilgrimage, whose lives have empowered us and whose influence is a healing grace:
for the dear friends and family members whose faces we see no more, but whose love is with us for ever,
for those who sacrificed themselves, our sisters and brothers who have give their lives for the sake of others.
May we hold them in continual remembrance, and ever think of them as being with you.
O God we pray that we may now be dedicated to working for a world where labor is rewarded, fear dispelled and the nations made one.
In sadness or in our joy, may we forever be grateful to You, the One from whom all blessings flow. Amen.

Follow-up on The Hull Times

2010-05-29T14:29:00.004-04:00

The Hull Times printed a letter I wrote to the editor this week! This blog got a shout-out in the editorial! And I'm tempted to believe that I'm represented in the political cartoon also... but it's too handsome.

I am thrilled and encouraged by all of the letters from residents and readers that were sent in objecting to the article (in particular the paragraph) that troubled me so much. It reaffirms my experience that there are many thoughtful people in Hull who are sensitive to the way we talk about and treat each other. The letters weren't angry, vitriolic or preachy. Well, maybe mine was a little preachy, but I'm a Preacher... A few of them were even funny.

My prayer from last week that the term homophobia be one of healing and not harm stays with me. Unfortunately, I've already learned that some people (like staff at The Times) were hurt by my use of that word. It was understood to be hateful name calling that I wielded as a weapon to wound innocent people and brand them as evil and unworthy of love and respect. If only our good intentions could protect others from being hurt by our words.

But then again, I cannot help but be reminded of the way a faithful sister changed my life (and challenges me still) by using the word "racist" to describe some of my actions and attitudes. Thank God she did. Thank God for the people who hold me accountable with tough love and help me learn about my sexist excuses that I use to justify avoiding the inconvenience of accountability. Thank God indeed! It would be a sad, scary day if people with different experiences, identities and even truths from my own gave up on me.

You can find the editorial here.

You can read the letters here.

What I hadn't realized is that this week's edition is mailed to every residence in town for free because it is the annual summer edition.
Welcome back to the beach everybody! Here's a controversy about homophobia to discuss over your Memorial Day cookouts.

Finally, I would encourage everyone to read an article found on the United Methodist Church's website by my good friend Audrey Krumbach that can be found by clicking here. It is a great discussion of our church's understanding of homophobia and shows how this is not a hateful word we use to malign our enemies. It is something we are called to be aware of, name and grow in response to.

The mystery of the reign of God

2010-05-24T08:45:00.003-04:00

For the second day in a row there was amazing fog covering Hull this morning. Yesterday it never really burned off like it will normally. It hung around all day and grew over night. The ferry trip this morning across the harbor to Boston was veiled and cloudy but still bright and sunny - a pleasant paradox.
As I looked out across the back of the boat, islands that are very familiar were totally hidden. I knew they were there but couldn't see them. Remembering the route I know, the route I was on though experiencing in a new way, it's beauty was very clear. Sometimes the mind and heart compliment what the eye cannot see. Sometimes we are given a mystery. Sometimes we hold a secret.
Tonight at Bible Study we begin the seventh chapter of the Book of Daniel and will take a turn into the world of the Apocalypse. The eye will see monsters, angels, and visions. The story we know very well, the story we will be reading though not fully recognizing, might seem very confusing. That is often the way.
Often the way takes us through the fog. Often the way takes us through stories and experiences that make it seem that we might be off course. Often the way is not clear.
But there is beauty in a mystery. There is peace in a secret that we may not fully understand. Sometimes the tentative steps we take in the fog are more important to our progress than the confidence we recall from our seasons of clarity.
I wish I could share with you how beautiful Boston Harbor was this morning. I wish I could explain to you how important scripture is in my life. I wish I could show you the freedom and liberation I know through my relationship with God. But for now it remains a mystery that I cannot fully articulate because I do not fully embrace these things myself.
There is much more to go on my journey.

Homophobia & Hull

2010-05-22T09:28:00.003-04:00

A few days ago now, a major news story broke from the neighboring town of Hingham. An eight year old boy was denied admission to a Catholic school because his parents are lesbians. Click here for the Bay Windows story.
In response I submitted this letter to our local paper, The Hull Times:

AN AFFIRMATION AND WELCOME TO CHILDREN, GLBT PEOPLE AND ALL

The news reports from St. Paul’s School in Hingham about a child being denied admission to a Catholic school because his parents are both women deeply disturbs me. In the last few days my prayers have lead me to both ask complicated questions and to affirm very clear beliefs. No matter how your beliefs or identity may influence your reactions to this story, no person should be condemned. Most importantly, as the pastor of St. Nicholas United Methodist Church, a Reconciling Congregation, please know that there is a faith community here in Hull that has deliberately and explicitly chosen to identify itself as welcoming and affirming of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their family, and friends. We make this witness for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We are a church family that includes same gender couples and their children. It is our responsibility to love and defend these children and work to make a better, safer world for them. After all, the children in our congregation have certainly made our lives better.

Peace,

Will Green

Pastor, St. Nicholas United Methodist Church
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was proud of the letter, proud I sent it both to the priest at St. James and the Catholic priest here in Hull ahead of time so that we could be in dialogue (and we have been!), and proud that my home of Hull is a welcoming community with a Reconciling Congregation.

The Hull Times didn't print my letter.

But they did include a note in the letter to the editor section responding to a charge of bias on their part stating:
"[From the Editor: Our policy is to print every letter we receive that is signed by its author, except those that are inaccurate, libelous, or in poor taste. The fact that numerous letters over a period of weeks espoused a similar viewpoint, or that opposing views were not represented, is beyond our control. We appreciate our readers’ interest in our opinion page and thank those who take the time to contribute their thoughts to the conversation.]"

Finally, on the front page story about town elections and the failure of the town to support an override to fund the schools, the following appeared: 'As one gloomy override supporter summed up Monday’s election turnout: “The town is now run by gays and grays,” population sectors that, by and large, have no children or whose children are grown.'

They didn't print my letter, said they print every letter that isn't offensive, quoted someone saying something hurtful about gay people and then backed it up with their own statement made to sound like a factual piece of data.

This is called homophobia.

In response to a personal inquiry about my letter's absence, a staff person at the paper sent me back a very kind and very quick response apologizing for the error. My letter was received and they intended to include it but it was accidentally put aside and neglected because it was received so far in advance of the deadline for submissions. I had sent it on Sunday night and the deadline was Tuesday. I have certainly made mistakes much worse than this.

This is still called homophobia.

Homophobia is not [exclusively] something that wicked, nasty people do to hurt people like me who are gay. It is also the prevailing assumptions and attitudes that allow others to unthinkingly scapegoat us. (Lost a vote? Blame the gays!) Homophobia is the cause of the excuse that makes us cover for each other in our ignorance about reality. (The upset person only said "gays and grays" are to blame for this vote because really when you think about it, it is probably true. Not that we have any data to back this up such as statistics about same-gender parents or exit polling on how people voted.) Homophobia is the hidden reason why somewhere in our brain it just happens that we forget to give the attention to some things and focus on others (A major news story happens in our area that gets national attention to which people respond but we forgot to print about it. Mistakes happen.)

Homophobia, like other social ills that are deeply rooted in our culture, is all around us. It hurts to pay attention to it. I certainly struggle with my own internalized homophobia. (Will, don't worry about it. You don't want to come across as too gay. You're just writing about this because gay men are so sensitive.)

In my personal life, the way to healing is marked by accountability (I ask others to help me) and prayer (I ask God to help me).

Homophobia is a harsh word that can do more harm than good when it is used to attack others instead of helping us all to heal by naming the truth. I pray that its use in my letter to the Times this week will lead to good.

Christ as Immigrant.

2010-05-17T06:04:00.003-04:00

In Christ the Key, Kathryn Tanner uses several powerful images to describe justification and sanctification: the processes by which Christ dwells within us and the Holy Spirit acts through us to transform our lives.
For example...
We are a darkened room into which light comes. Through the Light (Christ), we are enlightened (Justification). We are the same room but we have the light within us (we are still sinners but we are justified/ simul justus et peccator).
We are a branch of a vine that is grafted onto a new plant. First the sap from our new host enters into us (Justification). Then that sap causes us to blossom into flowers and then fruit (Sanctification). (see chapter 2 for these discussions).
With the Arizona immigration controversy fresh on my mind, I used this illustration in yesterday's sermon.

Christ comes to us like an immigrant. We can reject, deny or defend ourselves against God's sojourn with us. But if we react gratefully and joyfully with hospitality, our lives will be transformed through the presence of our new guest and friend.
This image is not a stretch for the members of St. Nicholas. Prior to my time here, St. Nicholas was served by a faithful, loving pastor named Jong Sun Lim. He and his wife came to the United States from their native Korea. They came to Hull by the grace of God so that they could spread the gospel and allow God to transform lives as God had transformed theirs.

And the Holy Spirit acted.

Plenty of new fruit grew. Many flowers blossomed. Lives were redirected to God thanks to the light of Christ.

Some were successful in defending their lives against the presence of Christ. But those who received Pastor Lim and his family received Christ. And the Holy Spirit worked in new ways. I see the beauty and power of lives that were transformed through this messenger of Christ every day of my life here in Hull.

I am grateful for immigrants. Every soul is a treasure. Every person is a gift. The gospel teaches us that strangers, foreigners and sojourners who come from far away in a place not like our own are especially to be valued and honored. Even immigrants who are not as talented and gifted as Pastor Lim - and few people are - have the potential to help us receive Christ within.

We are called to defend the rights of immigrants just as surely as we are called to receive Jesus. All people are a gift from God of sacred worth.

Accept Christ. Love one another. The Holy Spirit will act through you.

Beyond References

2010-05-12T06:52:00.002-04:00

Seeing similarities between Mary's Magnificat and Nebuchadnezzar's prayer is interesting and sometimes fun. (see two posts down)
However my goal is not to notice every cross reference or explain every thematic thread in scripture. My goal is to see the references and themes when I close the book.

When I step over someone who is sleeping on the streets of Boston do I remember Mary's truth that the lowly are raised up?

When powerful forces are successful at the expense of the weak do I know in my heart that God brings low those who walk in pride?

Whether what I look at what is very personal or international do I remember that God is still in control?

The only cross reference that is important is when scripture refers to reality. They're on every page.

Daniel Chapter 4, Verse 33

2010-05-11T10:57:00.001-04:00

"He was driven away from human society, ate grass like oxen, and his body was bathed with the dew of heaven, until his hair grew as long as eagles' feathers and his nails became like birds' claws...

Transformed by God

2010-05-11T10:53:00.003-04:00

Last night at Bible Study we read the 4th chapter of the Book of Daniel when Nebuchadnezzar is turned into a werewolf and watched a video clip from Michael Jackson's Thriller and An American Werewolf in London. A wild story, unforgettable images and a very important theme.
Stated very crudely: God transforms.
Or we might say it this way - God's law is more powerful than the ways of the world. God can cut down the powerful and raise up the weak. Even the King of the most powerful empire in the world, even the King who destroyed Jerusalem, can become something no better than a wild animal. (And God can even restore that wild animal to its former state too.)
Nebuchadnezzar sang the same song that Mary sang when the angel said she would give birth to Jesus. See if you can tell which quotes are from Mary in Luke 1 and which are from King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4...
"His mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation"
"His sovereignty is an everlasting sovereignty, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation."
"...he is able to bring low those who walk in pride."
"...he has brought down the powerful from their thrones..."
"... my spirit rejoices in God my Savior..."
"I bless the Most High, and praised and honored the one who lived for ever..."
Pretty similar aren't they?
Whether the story is about a poor young girl who is honored or a powerful King who is disgraced, God is able to turn the world on its head and recast its values and structures to favor whomever God pleases. God favors those who follow God's law, who recognize who God is and who live their lives according to the truth of the law and the prophets. If it is a king, so be it. If it is the poor, so be it. If the powerful falter, God will cast them down. If the weak act justly, they will be raised. Nothing is final except for God's word. The ways of this world are not final. God's power is.

faith & fire

2010-04-26T23:21:00.003-04:00

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to present a defense to you in this matter. If our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire and out of your hand, O king, let him deliver us. But if not, be it know to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods and we will not worship the golden statue that you have set up."

Just so we're very clear on this, it doesn't matter what happens to those of us who are put to the test. If God "saves" us (i.e. if God "keeps bad things from happening to us"), then fine.

But if God doesn't "intervene" (i.e. if bad things DO happen to us), then that's fine too.

Fortune doesn't have to impact faith.

The story of the three young men who were thrown into the fiery furnace to be burned alive for not worshiping a statue is amazing not because the men were saved. What inspires me is that they didn't care if they were burnt alive or not. The important point is that they were true to God.

I wonder what my life would be like if I had this kind of faith... I suppose I'd probably get burnt. But of course, that wouldn't matter. I would have deeper communion with God. The very fact that I consider my safety at all shows I still have a long way to go.

But I think I'm getting closer.

Now you are God's people

2010-04-04T21:54:00.006-04:00

I saw the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean on Easter morning. Although I had looked at the sunrise charts over and over again, I was convinced that I had missed the big show when I woke up because it was already so bright. But that was just the beginning. At 6:00am when we started gathering on the hill behind St. Nicholas, it was already warm.
What amazes me most about the experience is that the sunrise wasn't even the best part. I found the people gathering to be the most uplifting part. Most of these people I didn't even know a year ago, and now here we were choosing to be together at the crack of dawn just to share something beautiful together. These days, it's almost a miracle that twenty people would choose to be together at 6:21 on a Sunday morning on top of a hill.
The words from First Peter, chapter 2, verse 10 seem the most important. I know I say this all the time, but this really is one of my favorite passages in scripture.
"Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."
This is Easter. We are a no longer who we were, but now we live with God. We are God's people. What a gift that the power of this goes so far beyond what we see and even what we understand. We are connected (intimately and powerfully) through Christ even with those who couldn't come up the hill that morning. The beauty of the life we live even eclipses the sunrise. This hasn't always been true, but now it is.
We are alive in Christ in a way even more powerfully than the life we once lived. Once we were no people, but now we are God's people.

redemption is drawing near

2010-03-20T16:50:00.004-04:00

Then he told them a parable: "Look at the fig tree and all the trees; as soon as they sprout leaves you can see for yourselves and know that summer is already near. So also, when you see these things taking place, you know that the kingdom of God is near. Truly I tell you, this generation will not pass away until all things have taken place. Heaven and earth will pass away but my words will not pass away.
Luke, chapter 21, verses 29-33

I'm in the Nashville airport waiting for my flight. Next Chicago. Then Boston. Then home.

Some big southern flowers were blooming on the trees in Nashville. Friends who see these trees every day were amazed at how much they've blossomed in the last week. It seemed to me that they may as well have been like this all the time, I don't have their perspective.

Jesus said that when we look at any tree, "all the trees", "[we] can see for [ourselves] and know that summer is already near."

The last few days have been very productive but also heavy in a certain way that only church work can be - at least for me. Heavy. Productive. Important. Fulfilling. Spiritual. Significant. Hopeful. These words all capture where I've been.

Now here in the Nashville airport I hear the President on television and other leaders talking about the health-care vote. I think my list of adjectives would resonant with them.

I don't think our salvation is wrapped up in national legislation or in the politics of the United Methodist Church, but maybe it is. Jesus wanted us to realize that signs of God's reign are very close to us in the miracles that are under the radar: a women recovers a lost coin, a beggar is forgiven his sins, a blind person receives their sight, hungry people attend a feast. Most people don't notice, and even if they did they wouldn't care.

God wants us to see "all things" with the faith of Jesus. All things must take place.

"Truly I tell you, this generation will not pass away until all things have taken place. Heaven and earth will pass away but my words will not pass away."

counting the stars

2010-03-01T08:42:00.002-05:00

"Look toward the heaven and count the stars, if you are able to count them."
Genesis 15:5

God told Abraham that counting the stars would give him some hint of God's plan and promise. Of course, we are not able to count the stars. We are not able to comprehend all that God is doing. We are not able to contemplate everything (anything?) fully.

Rather than looking upwards to the sky, God told me to look to the cold, muddy forest floor late on Friday afternoon. Rather than counting the stars, I looked at one piece of birch bark. And I wasn't even able to take in all of that simple thing's beauty.

Looking up at heaven and looking down at the earth are special invitations from God. I am blessed whenever God invites me to such gentle acts. I am blessed whenever God allows me to pray. Sometimes I am not able. Sometimes the task is too beyond my simple powers of patience and intellect and meditation.

Even though my attempts are never complete or perfect, they always open me up to deeper awareness of God and my relationship to God's plan and promise.

All Through the Night

2010-02-03T06:40:00.003-05:00

"As the sun was setting, all those who had any who were sick with various kinds of diseases brought them to him, and he laid his hands on each of them and cured them... At daybreak he departed and went into a deserted place. And the crowds were looking for him; and when they reached him, they wanted to prevent him from leaving them..."
Luke 4: 40, 42

It looks like this was one time when Jesus staid up all night working. He didn't fall behind schedule, there was just that much need - that much disease and illness that people wanted to have healed.

I'm becoming worse and worse at waiting in lines all the time. If I don't have a book then it's really difficult for me.

I'm picturing myself waiting in life for Jesus all through the night. Am I able to keep my place in line during long periods of prayer and need? Is this one place where I can learn to wait? Or have I already learned how not to have patience?

Maybe prayer is a type of waiting. How funny that in a long line people will "pray": Oh God, make this hurry up. Maybe in fact, our prayers put us in a queue before God. God isn't trying to wait us out. We've just arranged things here in our lives so that only a few people can be served at a time. Most people have to wait.

hermeneutics

2010-02-01T23:13:00.004-05:00

I can still remember the day I heard a great preacher say from the pulpit, "We don't explain parables, parables explain us."
The sentence hit me like a ton of bricks. This was a new way of thinking about meaning and interpretation.
Last week I read these words about the prophet Jeremiah,

This text does not require 'interpretation' or 'application' so that it can be brought near our experience and circumstance. Rather, the text is so powerful and compelling, so passionate and uncompromising in its anguish and hope, that it requires we submit our experience to it and thereby reenter our experience on new terms, namely the terms of the text. The text does not need to be applied to our situation. Rather, our situation needs to be submitted to the text for a fresh discernment. It is our situation, not the text, that requires a new interpretation.

Brueggemann, Walter A Commentary on Jeremiah: Exile and Homecoming (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1998). p. 18.

There it was again. We are not supposed to explain scripture. Instead it is the standard of our lives.

In my sermon yesterday I put it this way..."The question is not Do we understand? The question is Under whom do we stand?

Instead of figuring out the Bible, I am figuring out life.

In your ears

2010-01-29T18:16:00.002-05:00

Then Jesus began to say to them, "Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing." Luke chapter 4, verse 21

I went down to the church this morning and prayed and sang and played the organ, but I also read six chapters of the Bible out loud from our new lectern Bible. No one was there to hear besides me. Sometimes there is simply no other way to read than out loud.

When Jesus came back from the desert, time with himself and the devil, he didn't just go to be with people. We went to be with The People i.e. Israel, God's people, the synagogue, where the scroll was unrolled and the word was spoken.

Some words can only be fulfilled in public, with people around, The People, God's people. As John Wesley knew, it doesn't always have to be in a church. As Jesus knew, it doesn't always have to be in a synagogue.

But this morning it was nice just to let the word loose and bounce around the pressed tin walls and ceiling at St. Nicholas. I needed it and I heard what I needed. Now I need to ACT on the word, so that others can receive the Good News too.

helping in Haiti

2010-01-14T08:48:00.003-05:00

I can feel tears behind my face when I think about the hurricane in Haiti. Yesterday I made a pledge to the United Methodist Committee on Relief. Don't think about whether or not you can afford it, you can. Donate by clicking here.

"The Advance" is a mission of the United Methodist Church. I've copied their vision and mission statements below:

Our Vision

The Advance exists to share the love of Jesus Christ by offering hope and alleviating human suffering. With integrity, transparency, and a commitment to The United Methodist Church's connectional vision of the world, we will become the leading conduit that enables people to support projects and missionaries throughout the world in order to strengthen and sustain one another.

Our Mission

The Advance is an accountable, designated giving arm of The United Methodist Church that ensures 100% of each gift is used for its intended mission or ministry. Our work fulfills both physical and spiritual needs through a variety of partnerships worldwide, to reach mutual goals that make a life-changing and long-lasting impact.

Illness as metaphor

2010-01-06T11:40:00.002-05:00

Once, while Jesus was in one of the cities, there was a man covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he bowed with his head to the ground and begged him, "Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean." Then Jesus stretched out his hand, touched him, and said, "I do choose. Be made clean." Immediately the leprosy left him.
(from the third chapter of Luke)

We had a robust conversation about healing at Bible Study on Monday night. Someone said, "I'm just surprised there were so many sick people!" I've been thinking about this point - there are so many sicknesses that we just don't admit, just don't talk about. It seems that the only way we have to treat some illness is by prescribing shame.

Two books come to mind - the first is a graphic novel called "Mom's Cancer" by Brian Fies. (click on the link and read it!) The second is "Illness as Metaphor" by Susan Sontag. (why haven't you read these yet!?)

The great insight of Sontag's book is that illness is NOT a metaphor. It is something real, nothing more than something real. Illness is not to be explained in terms of psyches, personalities or the people involved. It is not a sign of something else, it is not a symptom of a soul. When we can name it as what is - nothing more and nothing less - we can be more honest about our suffering, healing, life and death.

It is amazing that the stories about God's power to heal in the gosples have been read for so long as indictments against people who are sick or different. Rather than inspiring faith, they so often lead to judgment against the sick and the evangelists. This is the only thing we have to be ashamed of.

I haven't got time

2010-01-01T19:48:00.003-05:00

The new begins with a poem by Emily Dickinson...

Will there really be a "Morning"?
Is there such a thing as "Day"?
Could I see it from the mountains
If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like Water lilies?
Has it feathers like a Bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I have never heard?

O some Scholar! O some Sailor!
Oh some Wise Man from the skies!
Please to tell the little Pilgrim
Where a place called "Morning" lies!

At the 11:00 Christmas Eve service at St. Nicholas, we celebrated with a service of lessons and carols. The first reading was from the third chapter of Genesis and takes place "at the time of the evening breeze." There were no clocks in Eden.

Then in the eighteenth chapter, "the Lord appeared to Abraham by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the entrance of his tent in the heat of the day." Then "time" was told by the day, by the sun, by the breeze, by life. This was long before Dickinson questioned "Morning" coming over the mountains in Massachusetts and clocks starting to beat the life out of us. This was before the countdown was on.

As I hear the ocean to my left and we prepare for three nights and two days of snow, I think I am ready for a new year. I haven't got time.

Tiny Tim

2009-12-23T11:38:00.002-05:00

I've been reading "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens - you've probably heard of it - and was struck by a discussion the Cratchits have about their son Tim going to church at Christmas. As you know, Tim uses a cane to walk - in Victorian parlance he is a "cripple".

"And how did little Time behave?" Asked Mrs. Cratchit... "As gold as gold," said Bob, "and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk and blind men see."

At our church alternative gift fair someone came into the sanctuary to buy a poinsettia and crouched their head as they walked in, "This ceiling isn't going to cave in on me is it!?!"
A member of the church and I became instantly defensive, "No! We've been doing a really good job of preserving the building. There's some damage to a gutter on the rear and the windows are a little drafty but we've addressed more deferred maintenance in the last six months than has been done in the last six years! This is actually a very stable structure, the steeple needs to be painted but..."
He cut us off. "Oh. I just meant I haven't been a church in a long time and didn't want God to strike me dead."

Tim Cratchit's thoughts are very different. If people see me, they'll remember that Jesus is a friend of the outcast, the forgotten and the outsider. If more people knew that I went to church then they'd remember the real point of going and the real message of Jesus.

What if we had this attitude? I want others to know I go to church because then they'd see that just about anyone is welcome.

Trick question! I already know the answer. If more people had this attitude then more and more people will attend, invite others and churches will grow in attendance and faithfulness. That's what's happened at St. Nicholas in Hull.

So often when we read healing stories in the Bible we are distracted by the details of healing and our own baggage about judgment. e.g. THIS STORY IS SAYING THAT CHRISTIANS EQUATE USING CRUTCHES WITH SIN!
Instead, we need to see ourselves as people who need Jesus, people who are ready for God to do something in our lives that will heal us. Then, others can see it too, and be inspired.

Best Books - #3

2009-12-23T08:47:00.004-05:00

I think there were only two Monday nights this year when I couldn't make it to Bible Study - both times I was traveling. That's a pretty good record especially considering I think I had to miss Sunday morning worship at St. Nicholas three times. Our Bible Study is wonderful. These two books (a commentary on Acts by Luke Timothy Johnson and one on Numbers by Jacob Milgrom - published by The Liturgical Press and Jewish Publications Society respectively) were the back bones for our biggest undertakings of the year. We didn't just read Acts and Numbers but these two were the bulk of the year.

The Johnson commentary focuses on the literary structure of Acts and also on parallels with other contemporary writing. The Milgrom commentary seems to be encyclopedic - I can't remember any questions that I or other members of the group had which we couldn't find addressed somewhere in his book. In some ways, I feel that working through this commentary is basically an introduction to all of the Hebrew scripture.

I'm glad we took the time to work through these books slowly over a few months. Some people might have the patience and skill to read Numbers and Acts in great depth on their own. But my reading was enhanced beyond description by the guidance of these commentaries and the conversation of my Bible Study. If you are looking for a different experience at your church or study group in 2010, consider using one of these books as a guide to scripture. At St. Nicholas, I used these books to prepare each week and we read a chapter or two from the Bible out loud.

Poem for Mary

2009-12-21T06:41:00.002-05:00

I printed this poem by Elizabeth Bishop on the bulletin yesterday. It reminds me of Mary's song. Sometimes we need music to sing what can't be said. This seems to be especially true at Christmas.

Sonnet

I am in need of music that would flow
Over my fretful, feeling finger-tips,
Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips,
With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow.
Oh, for the healing
swaying, old and low,
Of some song
sung to rest the tired dead,
A song to fall like water on my head,
And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow!

There is a magic made by melody:
A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool
Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep
To the subaqueous stillness of the sea,
And floats forever in a moon-green pool,
Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep.

Elizabeth Bishop

2009 in Books - Part 2

2009-12-11T05:53:00.002-05:00

Sacred Attunement - A Jewish Theology by Michael Fishbane

Michael Fishabane's biblical scholarship is always interesting to me because his thoughts about the text seem to connect with his life of faith. So I was excited to see that he had written a book of theology. Sure enough, this is a work of theology that is more about beliefs and how they influence our daily lives and thoughts than it is about complicated, irrelevant arguments.
Sacred Attutement pushes me more than any book I've come into contact with concerning what it really means to believe in the Bible and look for God's presence there.

I wanted to include one quote but couldn't decided... Then I opened the book randomly. See what you think about these words on prayer, from a section entitled "within the vastness."

The phenomenon of prayer responds to the vastness of sounds and sights which surround us in the natural world. It begins with the happenings of earthly existence, and the way it opens up as day and night, tree and river, or sun and birdsong; and it includes a sense of rebirth in the morning and death at nightfall; it is affected by the feel of the earth, soft with seed or tender with shoots; and it responds to dew and sunlight, and the winds that scatter seeds or chill the heart. All this happens with the opening of one's eyes and ears, and the sensibilities of skin and touch; it is the concrete vastness that presses upon us and reveals the creation moment after moment. But prayers also begins with emptiness and lack, when existence leaves one hungry and unfulfilled; where there is not sufficient grain for food or cloth to warm the body; and where there is the blight of disease and insane human hatred. It also begins with the gaping terrors of the heart, lonely and inconsolable through the failures of friendship and care, or the unhealed memories of catastrophe and loss that bleed in a wounded soul.
Prayer takes these moments and gives them voice. This voice may be an outcry of thanksgiving or sorrow; and it can express lack or hope. Such are its many modes. The humanness of the voice is due to the humanness of the experience; and although tradition may give formal expression to these topics of human life, it does not exclude spontaneous prayer or the revitalization of traditional wording through new intentions or understanding. Tradition tries to open a verbal space in the unfolding vastness of things; but with time and repetition the original formulations may not always ring true, and then they are in need of revival through the pathos and truth of one's actual life on earth."
- from Sacred Attunement: A Jewish Theology by Michael Fishbane, page 130.

2009 in Books - Number 1

2009-12-09T08:30:00.005-05:00

(What were my favorite books of 2009 you ask? This several part series will leave you wanting to live 2009 ALL OVER AGAIN. Only this time, you'll read some of my favorite books of the year along with me...)

Two days after Christmas in 2008 I had a surgery in just about the most unpleasant part of my body you could imagine. If you saw me walking in December or January you may remember. So I started this year on lots of pain killers (which in retrospect did nothing but make me dizzy and trippy for a month and prevented me from going slow and letting my body heal as I should have.) But I was also under the influence of two amazing books: Bread and Wine by Ignazio Silone and The Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen. The former is a piece of post-war anti-facist fiction from Italy. The second is a spiritual journal from a priest spending his sabbatical in a Trappist monastery.

These two books go together perfectly and combined with my own over active imaginative and prescribed drug use led to most interesting reflections on what it means to be a clergy person. In the first book an atheist anti-totalitarian radical hides as a village priest in an isolated town. In order to protect himself, he plays the role. In the second book, Father Henri Nouwen learns the value of learning to question his faith and himself as he truly bears his soul before God, himself and the readers. The two end up asking many of the same questions - the same questions that any clergy person (any person of faith!) should ask themselves.

Read the books. Skip the drugs. Ask the questions. Examine who you are.

stepping over the edge

2009-12-01T08:14:00.002-05:00

Thus says the Lord: Heaven is my throne and the earth is my footstool...

I just saw something I have never seen before: a window washer climbing down from the roof into their little harness. It was just as nerve wracking as you would expect. He lowered himself by his arms down from the roof and moved his booted foot around until he found the little bench. Then he lowered himself more and sat on the piece of wood. Then he reached up for his bucket - which was still on the roof, grabbed, and lowered himself to his first window. Yikes.

I've seen many window washers and I like watching them. But I've never seen one getting started before.

My view was even better because I hadn't gotten off the ferry yet so I was at a cool angle - kind of high and a little out in the water. It was a perfect view.

It reminded me of the leap of faith.

I wonder if there are times when someone would think we're unsafe or brave or worse when they just happen to catch a glimpse of us. Are there things we learn to do that may seem dangerous to others? Have you learned to step over the edge and find your footing in God?

Worship is over, let the service begin

2009-11-30T07:03:00.002-05:00

I first heard that benediction at Niantic Community Church. It perfectly captured yesterday at St. Nicholas.
Everything went wrong in worship. Too long, the organist was out sick, I was trying to lead hymns while playing oboe (how do you think that went), we tried reading the Psalm antiphonally and it may as well have been in Hebrew and by twenty minutes into the service the communion chalice had been spilled clear across the chancel. I was wondering if people were going to stay until it was finished.

They did.

And then the church came to life. We were moving furniture, hanging garland, drinking coffee, having fun, cleaning and hanging out. It was a beautiful scene.

By the time I left, all of the problems and mistakes in worship seemed like they were a different memory.

May all of our mistakes by rewritten with joy.

Don't close the door yet - Christ the King Sunday

2009-11-23T03:48:00.003-05:00

I'm ready for Advent. I'm ready for Christmas. It is the best celebration there is. Worship is planned. Decorations have been found. The music is rehearsed. Did we forget anything?

Did we remember to glorify God?

Don't close the door on the old year yet - it's Christ the King Sunday (well, yesterday was - but I'm a little slow with my blogging lately).

We don't need to wait for Christmas. We don't need to wait for Easter. We don't even have to wait for Sunday. Christ is complete - incarnate, crucified, resurrected and (as we remember on Christ the King Sunday especially) glorified. Christ is complete. We don't need human calendars to recreate what God has already done. Our holidays and systems for organizing time are meant to help us remember God. But God has already done what needs to be done. We observe what God has done. We observe holidays.

Don't forget to glorify, not just on this day but always.

Singing lessons in prison

2009-11-11T23:15:00.004-05:00

I just opened my Bible to the end of Acts chapter 16. It is midnight and Paul and Silas are in prison. So what do they do? They pray and sing. It isn't just for themselves but "the [other] prisoners were listening to them." (Acts 16.25b)

Then there is an earthquake that shakes the prison and makes it possible for them to escape. Instead of fleeing, they wait for their captors to come to see them. The jailer realizes that God is with Paul and Silas and so he comes to "believe on the Lord Jesus." At the end of it all, they share a meal together to celebrate their salvation. "At the same hour of the night [the jailer] took them and washed their wounds; then he and his entire family were baptized without delay. He brought them up into the house and set food before them; and he and his entire household rejoiced that he had become a believer in God." (Acts 16.33-34)
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I wish that more of the praying and singing that Christians did was in a way that allowed other prisoners to really listen to what is being shared. Sometimes the language, or the setting or the style or any number of things just make it impossible for anyone else to understand what we are trying to express.

Trying to be an evangelist is a bit like taking singing lessons in jail. The other prisoners hear all of your mistakes and efforts and (hopefully) progress along the way. But you never get a chance to get on stage give that performance when everyone will finally and fully listen. The chance to express yourself comes all along the way. There are more than enough opportunities, but if you piss everyone off with your warm-ups than things will just go worse from there.

So how did Paul and Silas do it? Maybe it wasn't them, it was just God. Or just the jailer! But they also certainly knew that they still had songs to sing and prayers to share even when they were landed in jail. It wasn't the end for them. They had just been reassigned to work in a new setting.

Whatever your success or struggle today, may you give thanks to God for your salvation just like Paul, Silas, the jailer and his entire household did.

Lottery tickets for God?

2009-11-10T08:47:00.003-05:00

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; I have a goodly heritage.

I am very concerned that Martha Coakley, leading candidate for United States Senate and someone I have been excited to vote for, supports casino gambling in Massachusetts. I am very concerned that this will lead to casinos in Massachusetts. Although this in no way changes my minds about the dangers and evil of state-sponsored lotteries, there are many images in the Bible that talk about God's presence in randomness and chance and they remind me of lotteries.

Take the words from Psalm 16. God "holds [our] lot" making our boundary lines fall "in pleasant places." (Last night in Bible Study we read the census report in Numbers 26 and how God wants to divide the land according to the size of the tribes and then choose what land to give "by lots.")

"O God you are my winning numbers.
The wheel spins,
The ball bounces,
And you come up a winner every time."

Hardly seems to be the stuff of Psalms.

I am a little appalled and taken aback by many of the patterns and habits of piety and revelation that the bible uses. Animal mutilation, drawing of lots, showdowns between magicians: none of these find their way into our Sunday mornings at St. Nicholas. But they were sanctioned and normal means of communicating with God in the past.

When I notice that these things change with time, somehow I doesn't seem to me that everything is arbitrary and meaninglessly relative. Instead it makes me ask what I believe in and practice now. Although my way isn't the only way and our time doesn't account for all time, we still need to know what we believe and what we do. It isn't eternal, but it is where we are now.

So, I don't like casinos and therefore I don't think I can vote for Martha Coakley. I understand there are other ways of looking at this but for now I know how I feel about this and what I believe.

Nourishing the whole body

2009-11-05T08:48:00.003-05:00

Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved.

This morning I rose up early and last night I went late to rest. But I didn't have the bread of anxious toil for breakfast. I had an Odwalla "Protein Monster" chocolate shake with 33 grams of soy and dairy protein per bottle. God is good.

The point is that sometimes we can't tell who built the house by looking at it. We can't see it all from the outside. In my late night and full days lately I have felt God's presence and power. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we do. Sometimes we can get a sense that someone is living their life close to God and sometimes we can't. It isn't about judging ourselves or anyone else. It's about the integrity that grants us sleep as the beloved.

On paper, things can be wild. But in practice, they can be centered. And sometimes quiet times are our most isolated too.

Whatever your style or schedule, whether you are tired or bored or searching or centered, may you know that your life is put together by God. And be aware of that grace in the lives of others too.

the divine hourglass...

2009-10-30T08:23:00.003-04:00

On this mountain the LORD of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wines, of rich food filled with marrow, of well-aged wines strained clear.
And he will destroy on this mountain the shroud that is cast over all peoples, the sheet that is spread over all nations; he will swallow up death forever.
Then the Lord GOD will wipe away the tears from all faces, and the disgrace of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken.
It will be said on that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, so that he might save us. This is the LORD for whom we have waited; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.

We have a new database at work and it is very slow. Sometimes we have to wait up to four seconds before the next screen appears. But don't worry, I'm always able to fill those four seconds with something. I look to my phone to see if the light is blinking to tell me I have more messages. I check my phone log to see who I'm going to call back next. My eyes go to my schedule to see my next appointment.

Computers train us to look at the world with sick-ticking eyes.

So when anything is promised or described or anticipated, my first reaction is always to ask, "When?" However, waiting for God is not like waiting for the bus. There is a different sort of way that we "pass the time" when we wait for God. And it isn't always peaceful and pious either. (read one of Isaiah's time-driven temper tantrums in chapter 64)

Many of us curse when we are forced to wait, be it at a traffic light or for the cursor on the screen to turn back into the omnipotent arrow. But waiting for God is practically our life's work. And we should surely fill our days with praise and blessings.

I've been spending lots of time in the calm quiet lately... which is part of the reason why I haven't been posting as much.

I'm waiting.

faulty plumbing

2009-10-23T11:02:00.003-04:00

[My people] have forsaken me, the fountain of living water,
and have dug cisterns for themselves,
cracked cisterns that can hold no water.
Jeremiah 1: 13

I went to Home Depot last night and used a gift card I was given as a Christmas present to get some rugs. It's getting cold.

Most of what they sell their is too complicated for me which is probably why the staff approached me about a dozen times and asked, "what are looking for?" It wasn't a "can I help you?" but more of a "why are you here?" Good for them.

Imagine that boldness and awareness in one our churches. Imagine if instead of saying, "we're glad you're here" we said "why are you here?" Honestly, I can imagine it working for some people.

"I'm here looking to replace the cistern on my toilet. I was given one that was perfect, but I'm looking to make one myself, to put one together myself because it is more important that I rely on myself than trust something that comes from beyond me. I am arrogant and confident and don't know how to accept something that I need. I'd rather have my own cracked cistern than accept one that I've been given that works better."

It would be a strange response.

Sometimes in life we think we know what we are looking for, what aisle to go done, how to "do it yourself." But we don't. We can't. It isn't as easy as the projects we are capable of doing.

Forget about your old cracked pipes and the mechanics of life that don't do what we want them to do. Instead, turn back to God and accept the gift that is truly redeeming.